Transcript
WEBVTT
1
00:00:03.560 --> 00:00:07.320
Hey, Dr g here. Thank
you for listening to moving up stream without
2
00:00:07.320 --> 00:00:11.119
a paddle. I would like to
work with businesses, authors, coaches and
3
00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:15.679
the like who understand the importance of
shifting perspectives to obtain the results. We're
4
00:00:15.720 --> 00:00:19.800
looking forward and pleased to announce that
moving up stream without a paddle is now
5
00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:24.920
offering commercial spots to be aired during
the episodes. If you believe your organization
6
00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:29.079
would benefit from advertising on the PODCAST, I would love to have you be
7
00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:33.840
a part of this continuously growing show. Let's get connected and inspire the world
8
00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:44.359
together. M Hello everybody, welcome
back. I'm pretty excited today I have
9
00:00:44.439 --> 00:00:48.200
a have a guest that we're going
to talk about topic that I do not
10
00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:52.200
believe I have had on this show
yet. Could be wrong, but I'm
11
00:00:52.200 --> 00:00:57.719
pretty sure I'm not. Um but
it's hopefully I don't damage it because my
12
00:00:57.759 --> 00:01:03.399
sister pronounces her name Tara, but
it could Tara but Galliano. She has
13
00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:07.560
worked with women for over two decades
to get their their sexy back and this
14
00:01:07.799 --> 00:01:11.560
that's just an amazing way to put
it. But she knows that there is
15
00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:15.319
pleasure in the body beyond our wildest
dreams and every woman can access it.
16
00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:22.040
Access that. In her book,
rediscovering my body, Um Tara teaches women
17
00:01:22.079 --> 00:01:26.120
how to show up for pleasure in
in their lives, and she's rediscovered her
18
00:01:26.120 --> 00:01:30.079
own body. After leaving her twenty
five year marriage, realizing that she had
19
00:01:30.120 --> 00:01:34.519
given so much of herself away,
she knew that she needed to come back
20
00:01:34.200 --> 00:01:40.120
and to the body's inherent wisdom.
Through reconnecting with her own body, Tara
21
00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:45.719
has was able to understand what was
right and pleasurable for her and how best
22
00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:52.400
to proceed from that point. From
that wisdom, most importantly, she um
23
00:01:52.439 --> 00:01:56.840
she now teaches these lessons to other
women who are clamoring for the same truth
24
00:01:56.920 --> 00:02:01.280
and looking for that way to transform
their lives and reclaim their sensuality. So
25
00:02:01.400 --> 00:02:07.359
now Tara has embodied this path and
is moving forward to share this this wisdom
26
00:02:07.400 --> 00:02:10.680
with women everywhere and, like I
said, I'm really excited. We are
27
00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:16.439
going to be having this conversation with
her right after this. Welcome to moving
28
00:02:16.520 --> 00:02:21.560
up stream without a paddle, the
podcast that helps develop a mindset for success.
29
00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:24.319
I'm your host, Dr Garrett Goggins, but most people call me Dr
30
00:02:24.439 --> 00:02:30.319
g. Now dedicated to helping others
understand that if you have the proper mindset,
31
00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:36.879
you can propel yourself up that proverbial
stream with no paddle needing. If
32
00:02:36.919 --> 00:02:40.199
you're constantly feeling like you're going against
the flow but you're never happy with your
33
00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:45.800
results, it's really time to flip
your mindset. If that's something that you're
34
00:02:45.840 --> 00:02:49.520
ready to do, you've come to
the right place. Now let's get to
35
00:02:49.599 --> 00:03:07.240
it. Hello. So, is
it terror or is it Tara? It's
36
00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:12.080
Tara, it's a. But yeah, it's Tara from gone with the wind,
37
00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:15.560
the plantation, right, right.
So, yeah, my sister and
38
00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:20.159
it is. It's A. I've
met so many territories in my life,
39
00:03:20.199 --> 00:03:24.639
but my sister is she's Tara,
and so I usually go with the terror
40
00:03:24.680 --> 00:03:29.159
because I feel like that's more common
than Tara. But, um, that
41
00:03:29.319 --> 00:03:32.680
being said, well, the show, Tara. So so happy to have
42
00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:37.560
you here. Thanks so much,
Garrett. It's really a pleasure to be
43
00:03:37.719 --> 00:03:40.639
here. Yeah, so excited to
speak with you today. Yeah, I'm
44
00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:45.159
excited to have this conversation. Like
I told you prey pre show, that
45
00:03:45.240 --> 00:03:46.919
I got a lot of response that
people like, Oh, I'm really excited
46
00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:51.400
to listen to this one. and
Um, that's I don't know, if
47
00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:53.800
I don't ever expect anything, but
that's not something that's ever happened before.
48
00:03:53.919 --> 00:04:00.520
That much of a pre show outreach. So I'm really time to see where
49
00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:02.840
this goes. But and how I
do this, like I told you earlier,
50
00:04:02.919 --> 00:04:05.879
is I just give you center stage
and I really want just to get
51
00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:10.960
your story out there. The you
know what you do, why you do
52
00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:14.719
it and how you got there,
and then the questions just go from there
53
00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:18.519
and we'll have this wonderful conversation.
And so if you don't mind to take
54
00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:21.439
it away, I love it.
Thank you. Thank you. So yeah,
55
00:04:21.439 --> 00:04:26.079
I think that when you bring in
the topic of sex, people will
56
00:04:26.120 --> 00:04:32.680
get interested. That's my experience and
so I'll share a little bit about my
57
00:04:33.240 --> 00:04:40.160
story. Is that I goodness.
I studied at Europe University and I studied
58
00:04:40.199 --> 00:04:46.160
contemplative education and I studied mindfulness and
I studied um how to be a better
59
00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:48.240
therapist or how to be a better
human really, and then how to do
60
00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:53.639
that as a therapist. So it's
trained as a clinician. I had a
61
00:04:53.639 --> 00:04:57.639
private practice in Boulder, Colorado for
a couple of decades. I was a
62
00:04:57.639 --> 00:05:00.399
certified sex there, because I have
a certified sex there. So I've been
63
00:05:00.439 --> 00:05:04.040
speaking about sex most of my work
days and I thought that I had this
64
00:05:04.279 --> 00:05:11.319
great knowledge, really academic, conceptual
framework, cerebral understanding of sex. I
65
00:05:11.319 --> 00:05:15.000
thought I was having pretty good sex
in my own life too. And then,
66
00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:19.480
you know, as fate, a
goodness comes to unfold, is that
67
00:05:19.600 --> 00:05:24.279
I here, I am sex therapist
and I was married to a sex addicts.
68
00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:30.759
There's a really just this perfect storm, and went through the methodologies that
69
00:05:30.800 --> 00:05:33.360
I thought would be helpful for our
relationship. I, you know, it
70
00:05:33.439 --> 00:05:41.079
was very proactive and recognizing that my
own self worth, my own self esteem,
71
00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:45.279
was really tied up in the success
of this relationship, because I I
72
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:49.319
am also a couple's therapist, and
that this had to work and that I
73
00:05:49.399 --> 00:05:54.879
took vows to make it work and
that I was really adhering to these vows.
74
00:05:54.920 --> 00:05:59.040
So I was married for twenty five
years and I'd say for probably most
75
00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:02.040
of the relationship I was aware of
the addictive pattern that my husband struggled with,
76
00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:06.519
my former husband struggled with, and
just felt like, okay, we
77
00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:10.040
can work on this, we can
work on this, and I had this
78
00:06:10.199 --> 00:06:15.639
optimistic can do attitude that just really
wasn't working. I mean to be honest,
79
00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:23.560
it doesn't really it was not working
and what I found was, well,
80
00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:28.879
that our past were no longer in
alignment and things came to a very
81
00:06:28.959 --> 00:06:33.720
dramatic head. Um. There was
a really an altercation that happened. There
82
00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:40.360
was lots of litigation, lots of
drama. Is it kind of like my
83
00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:45.360
story telling, Nobela, and and
I get that's what I needed in order
84
00:06:45.399 --> 00:06:49.199
to really make these clear cuts and
allow myself to be released, because I
85
00:06:49.319 --> 00:06:55.519
was really beholden to these vows that
I was married and that I was going
86
00:06:55.560 --> 00:07:00.079
to do whatever it takes to make
this successful. And there was no a
87
00:07:00.199 --> 00:07:02.360
way that it was ever going to
be successful. It was never going to
88
00:07:02.399 --> 00:07:06.839
be the relationship that I needed or
wanted any longer at that time. I'm
89
00:07:06.839 --> 00:07:10.879
sure it was for a number of
decades and I was pretty comfortable and I
90
00:07:10.920 --> 00:07:15.680
liked I liked my former husband.
I mean so kind of like him too
91
00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:18.439
that we're not really in communication,
but I think the distance really just puts
92
00:07:18.439 --> 00:07:26.439
things in perspective. And so in
December, after all doors slam shut,
93
00:07:26.680 --> 00:07:29.959
I needed to move forward and I
needed to figure out what was true for
94
00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:33.160
me. And so I'm, like
I said, I'm a clinician, I'm
95
00:07:33.199 --> 00:07:38.519
trained as a sex therapist and I
thought I knew about sex and I thought
96
00:07:38.600 --> 00:07:44.959
I knew about the deeper understandings of
our bodies, and I didn't. I
97
00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:48.879
mean, and that's really a very
humbling experience for myself I'm sure for many
98
00:07:48.920 --> 00:07:56.680
other people who have had that experience, and the expertise that I lived in
99
00:07:56.720 --> 00:08:00.560
and the facade, you know,
my professional facade, was really pulled out
100
00:08:00.680 --> 00:08:03.839
from under me. Not that I
couldn't do the work and that I wasn't
101
00:08:03.879 --> 00:08:07.600
successful with the work, but it
was so distant, it was so outside
102
00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:11.600
of who I was. In that
moment of being so vulnerable and being so
103
00:08:13.519 --> 00:08:18.319
really a shame. I felt a
lot of shame and guilt that my marriage
104
00:08:18.439 --> 00:08:22.160
was not the success that I wanted
it to be and that I had endured
105
00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:26.920
for twenty five years to make it
so and that it really was never going
106
00:08:28.000 --> 00:08:31.879
to be and that I just needed
to let that go and in the process
107
00:08:31.920 --> 00:08:39.080
of letting go, really understanding who
I am as a fifty year old sex
108
00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:45.159
therapists and as a woman, branching
out and really cultivating my own life in
109
00:08:45.159 --> 00:08:48.600
a way that I had never done
before. And so I went on a
110
00:08:48.679 --> 00:08:52.919
journey, I mean really and it
involved. I went to an Ostrom um
111
00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:58.639
for a month and became a yoga
instructor. I studied tontric education to become
112
00:08:58.679 --> 00:09:07.120
a tontric practitioner. I studying intervaginal
massage so I could really understand the inside
113
00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:11.559
and the felt experience of being a
woman, not only for myself but for
114
00:09:11.639 --> 00:09:18.320
other women, and so really going
into much deeper explorations of what it is
115
00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:22.120
to be in this body, because
I know now that this body is the
116
00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:28.440
greatest vehicle that we can achieve enlightenment, if you will, or or um
117
00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:33.559
liberation or all the things that were
meant here to do on this earthly plane.
118
00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:37.200
It's you know it. The mind
is important, but the mind is
119
00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:39.240
the servant of the body, I
would say, because the body is where
120
00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:46.879
the heartless and the heart has a
huge pteroidal field, that is goodness,
121
00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:48.799
larger than the one of the brain
or the one of the mind. And
122
00:09:48.840 --> 00:09:52.279
so when we live into the heart, when I have had the experience of
123
00:09:52.320 --> 00:09:56.080
living into the heart, I can
see so much more transformation in my life
124
00:09:56.360 --> 00:10:00.559
and I really had to let go
of everything. I lived in Bolder Colorado
125
00:10:00.600 --> 00:10:03.879
for twenty two years. I raised
my kids there. I was married there
126
00:10:03.399 --> 00:10:09.919
and I left Um and I left
to become a new person, to really
127
00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:13.559
start over and to begin to understand
the wisdom of the body and that I
128
00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:18.039
know that, particularly for women,
that there's inherent power within the body,
129
00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:22.440
that we are magic, we are
mystery, that that we can create life
130
00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:26.159
Um, and it's not just human
life, but we can create things that
131
00:10:26.200 --> 00:10:31.840
are beyond our wildest dreams, and
that it really is about tapping into the
132
00:10:31.879 --> 00:10:35.200
power of the body and coming into
the present moment, and the breath is
133
00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:39.399
a great modality to do that.
And the body is always in the present
134
00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:43.399
moment. And so the future.
You know that future thinking can really create
135
00:10:43.480 --> 00:10:50.919
anxiety and past thinking can really cultivate
depression. But the gift of being in
136
00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:54.200
the present moment is being in the
body and knowing all of the pleasure and
137
00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:58.320
all the vastness of that. So
that's what I teach because that's what I
138
00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:01.799
lived over the past, I would
say, three years, really understanding the
139
00:11:01.879 --> 00:11:05.480
depth of what it means to be
in this human body, to be in
140
00:11:05.559 --> 00:11:11.200
a female body, and and so
many learnings around that. So I wrote
141
00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:16.399
a book called rediscounted, my body, which is based on a lot of
142
00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:20.120
the work that I needed to do
myself, but also it was based on
143
00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:22.720
the work that I did with women
who had had cancer, and I taught
144
00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:28.879
a class at bolder community health for
a number of years two women who are
145
00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:33.200
on a cancer journey, who were
really afraid of tapping into their body because
146
00:11:33.240 --> 00:11:37.159
of trauma, because of grief,
because they've been objectified by the medical community,
147
00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:39.600
because they didn't feel safe in their
bodies, because they only felt pain
148
00:11:39.639 --> 00:11:43.879
in their bodies, and that they've
really struggled with their own mortality. And
149
00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:48.639
I could see that this work was
really resonant, not only for women who
150
00:11:48.679 --> 00:11:52.960
have been on a canceled journey,
but for all women. And so many
151
00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:56.120
women wanted to know how do I
do this work? You know, I
152
00:11:56.120 --> 00:11:58.279
don't have the prerequisite, thank goodness, but I want to do this work
153
00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:03.799
and I wrote this book for all
women, because it not only was the
154
00:12:03.840 --> 00:12:09.840
women who were on the cancer journey
who had these made amazing awakenings and were
155
00:12:09.879 --> 00:12:16.840
these Amazon women courageously exploring pleasure and
regaining, I would say, sovereignty of
156
00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:20.840
their own sexuality and of their own
body, but so many women want that
157
00:12:20.919 --> 00:12:24.360
and I needed to go on that
journey in my own way, not with
158
00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:28.240
cancer, but on the rediscovery process
of my body, what it is to
159
00:12:28.320 --> 00:12:35.320
reinvent myself and rediscover myself after the
loss of a marriage, after after the
160
00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:39.639
grief, after the trauma that I
experienced, and how to reclaim that,
161
00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:45.720
and also recognizing that so much of
the recreation of the things that I needed
162
00:12:45.759 --> 00:12:50.559
to learn of my adult life were
from childhood wounds and I would say probably
163
00:12:50.600 --> 00:12:54.480
for me, going all the way
back to in utero experiences, because I
164
00:12:54.519 --> 00:13:00.799
am adopted, because I had a
lot of Um trauma in that area of
165
00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:03.919
my life too. So that's where
I'm gonna land, and so that's why
166
00:13:03.960 --> 00:13:07.399
I do what idea? That's,
yeah, how I do it. and
167
00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:11.440
well, it's awesome. It's awesome
when I so. Well, I mean
168
00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:15.759
you brought out a couple of things. That's some there there is this idea
169
00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:20.879
that the body is the the servant
of the mind, but you went to
170
00:13:20.960 --> 00:13:26.799
different directions, that the mind is
the servant of the body, and I
171
00:13:26.840 --> 00:13:28.519
don't want people to get hung up
on that, because I don't. I
172
00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:33.879
don't want them to lose this idea
because there is this huge, important piece
173
00:13:33.960 --> 00:13:39.559
that, whether whether whichever one is
true or false, it doesn't matter.
174
00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:43.320
We do not understand our body,
and I think that's as a whole.
175
00:13:43.559 --> 00:13:48.759
I mean we are taught certain things, and especially if we start diving into
176
00:13:48.759 --> 00:13:50.600
the sectrum. I think the reason
why people perk up when you hear that,
177
00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:54.279
like you said in the beginning,
of people perk up is because it's
178
00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:58.000
such a beaux PA to talk about
sex and to do it in a way
179
00:13:58.120 --> 00:14:05.600
that discovering your body. But our
bodies are built to do things in specific
180
00:14:05.639 --> 00:14:09.759
ways and I love how you went
on the journey to really figure that out,
181
00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:15.159
because not a lot of people will
do that. and Um, so
182
00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:18.879
let's let's talk about that, because
some of what are some of your findings
183
00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:26.039
when and it's not even just sex
at this point right it's the it's the
184
00:14:26.039 --> 00:14:28.720
the energy, the release of everything
that's going on as you're doing that,
185
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:35.000
because there's I don't I want to
say this, there's there's the feeling that
186
00:14:35.080 --> 00:14:39.039
you have with each other, the
physical feeling, then there's the emotional feeling
187
00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:45.159
and there's all these stuff that's tied
into, I'm assuming, what you discover
188
00:14:45.279 --> 00:14:48.080
within that journey. So can you
touch on maybe some of the journey more
189
00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:52.519
in depth? I will, yes, thank you. And I like this
190
00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:56.039
idea that the mind is a certain
of the body and that the body is
191
00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:58.080
a certain of the mind, because
I feel it's kind of like the chicken
192
00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:01.440
or the egg. You know,
it's the just and just pick one and
193
00:15:01.480 --> 00:15:03.720
it's a starting point. And so
for me it really has been the body.
194
00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:09.000
And what I know about sex and
sexuality is that our bodies are really
195
00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:13.879
designed for pleasure and that we're really
meant to grasp for that. But there's
196
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:18.440
so many overlays, whether it's religion
or trauma or guilt, that prevent us
197
00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:24.559
from having those experiences and our bodies
are really these amazing vehicles that enable us
198
00:15:24.759 --> 00:15:28.600
to have more pleasure. And I
think the reason why people like the idea
199
00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:33.279
of sex so much and sometimes actual
experience of sex, is because it's really
200
00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:39.120
powerful. It is a tremendously transformative
force that we don't always know where it's
201
00:15:39.159 --> 00:15:43.919
going to take us. It's like
stepping into the unknown in a in a
202
00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:48.039
safe way, if it can be
safe Um, but also in a regular,
203
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:52.240
consistent ways. Just there are opportunities
for people to have sex or to
204
00:15:52.360 --> 00:15:56.720
experience self love with themselves and with
others, and for me, as a
205
00:15:56.759 --> 00:16:00.960
sex therapist and as a sexual empowerment
coach. What I find is that sex
206
00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:04.879
is really this advanced course and what
I know through my togic practices is that
207
00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:10.519
there's elements that can be brought in
in how we live in our mundane lives.
208
00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:18.279
However, when we are grasping for
the titillation factor or grasping for the
209
00:16:18.360 --> 00:16:23.720
novelty Um and it's outside of our
regular realm of how we are, then
210
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:30.480
the integration is much more difficult.
So those orgasmic or ecstatic experiences than don't
211
00:16:30.600 --> 00:16:33.000
land as well and it becomes things
that we then seek after, and I
212
00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:38.440
understand that more maybe through the Lens
of sex addiction or compulsivity. So I
213
00:16:38.679 --> 00:16:41.320
know we want more pleasure in our
lives, but we don't know how to
214
00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:45.320
attain it. And so the opportunity, I would say, in working with
215
00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:51.519
me or doing the work that I
do is coming into body and exploring self
216
00:16:51.559 --> 00:16:56.840
love in a very mundane, gentle
way, because it is from that that
217
00:16:56.879 --> 00:17:03.240
we can have more consistency, more
stained pleasure and more integration of those experiences.
218
00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:06.119
And so I'll just speak a little
bit more about my experience as a
219
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:11.720
woman, is that as a woman
I have been trained in the society to
220
00:17:12.359 --> 00:17:18.039
give to others, to be a
caregiver, and that's how I received accolades
221
00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:22.000
or that's how I received value.
And so what I have done, and
222
00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:25.319
what I see a lot of women
do, is externally reference. I'm referencing
223
00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:30.480
things outside of myself, and the
truth is so much within our being.
224
00:17:30.599 --> 00:17:33.000
And that's why the body is so
important, because when we're able to reference
225
00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:37.200
the vastness of our body really through
the womb space, so through the uterus,
226
00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:41.640
then there is a power or an
activation that can happen there. It's
227
00:17:41.799 --> 00:17:47.680
very profound. But oftentimes we bypass
this as particularly as women, and we
228
00:17:47.799 --> 00:17:51.119
begin to reference our partners. And
so even when people are coming into sex
229
00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:55.160
therapy, couples in particular, heterosexual
couples, are coming in, when women
230
00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:57.200
are saying I want to be able
to pre please my partner more, or
231
00:17:59.319 --> 00:18:03.559
maybe I'm broken and so fix me. So really that like, okay,
232
00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:07.839
we need to have a a paradigm
shift here where you are a value just
233
00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:12.759
for being you and you can experience
pleasure just for being you. Is that
234
00:18:12.880 --> 00:18:17.680
the body, particularly the female body, would have a clitterest that has over
235
00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:21.400
eight thousand nerve endings, that it's
just for pleasure, there is no other
236
00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:26.839
use for it, and so really
stepping into wow, we have pleasure as
237
00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:30.319
a birthright, and how do we
live into that and how can we do
238
00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:36.839
it on a small, sustainable scale
so we can reach these outer limits that
239
00:18:36.920 --> 00:18:45.039
are again beyond our wildest dreams?
Yeah, and I will argue with anybody
240
00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:51.279
who says that. Um, and
it really goes more a religious sect,
241
00:18:51.319 --> 00:18:56.000
that sex is merely just a tool
for reproduction. And I firmly believe and
242
00:18:56.039 --> 00:19:02.079
agree with you that we we're here
for pleasure like that. That's a big
243
00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:07.240
thing for us. That's that's why
the stronger feelings are those of the pleasurable
244
00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:12.039
ones, and and and Um.
But but it's really interesting that you were
245
00:19:12.039 --> 00:19:17.799
saying this because maybe maybe it's because
my parents were separated and I was raised
246
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:22.480
more by my my mother than I
was my father. But even knowing my
247
00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:25.440
dad, I don't think this would
have been the case. But I was
248
00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:33.119
always taught that it was the my
when it came to to sex and and
249
00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:37.200
how that was is to please the
woman, and I feel like maybe there
250
00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:41.799
is a I don't know where.
So what you were saying to me what
251
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:44.920
you were just saying there was very
foreign to me. That was that was
252
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:48.240
so weird. And and I feel
like a lot of guys may even beyond
253
00:19:48.279 --> 00:19:55.160
that realm where we're for like it's
our duty to do that performing and and
254
00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:57.640
and I feel like this is just
the guy's paid. Sometimes we fall short
255
00:19:57.720 --> 00:20:02.319
because it's it's so easy for us. Right, it's there, it really
256
00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:06.200
is. It's not a not a
difficult thing. But Um, but this
257
00:20:06.279 --> 00:20:10.119
is where I love this idea of
the women understanding what's going on with them
258
00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:14.440
and I think if the guys receptive
to it, there can be some directions
259
00:20:14.480 --> 00:20:17.759
to make it not so difficult for
us to really give the pleasure to the
260
00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:21.359
woman. And and that's but that's
a very stressful thing for a guy.
261
00:20:21.480 --> 00:20:23.160
Is Like we have to please them, I have to please them, and
262
00:20:23.240 --> 00:20:26.559
what if I fall short? And
so there's there's a whole thing. But
263
00:20:26.599 --> 00:20:32.759
when we can come in harmony in
this act, in this embracing each other,
264
00:20:33.480 --> 00:20:36.279
I feel like that even brings more
of the pleasure peace out of it.
265
00:20:36.359 --> 00:20:41.119
And you're really it's it's becoming more
spiritual in that act and not just
266
00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:45.240
a this is just a soulful reproduction. Yes, so, yeah, well,
267
00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:48.200
and Jarrett, I love that you
said that because I absolutely agree.
268
00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:55.839
I was speaking in broad generalizations.
And men also struggle with wanting to please
269
00:20:55.880 --> 00:20:59.839
their partners. I see a lot
of men in my practice with performance anxiety
270
00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:03.920
and then have, as a result, when it becomes extreme, a rectile
271
00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:10.200
dysfunction or premature ejaculation or some inability
to please their partner. And the way
272
00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:15.079
I like to frame sex therapy,
or really even sexual empowerment, is that
273
00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:18.880
we, as sexual beings, really
need to know and understand what it is
274
00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:25.519
that we desire in that moment and
then be able to identify it and articulate
275
00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:30.839
it to our lovers. And that
in and of itself is a huge hurdle
276
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:36.759
to jump over, because I would
say that for most people, and I
277
00:21:36.839 --> 00:21:41.440
worked at the University of Colorado at
Boulder for a short time, that the
278
00:21:41.519 --> 00:21:45.400
young people that I saw were much
more inclined to engage in the sexual activity
279
00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:49.359
than to actually speak about it,
because to speak about it and claim your
280
00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:56.599
own words is a very intimate and
empowering experience and I would say most people,
281
00:21:56.759 --> 00:22:00.480
especially of the college age, just
don't have them surety to claim that
282
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:04.960
because really they don't know. That's
why they're more inclined to explore than to
283
00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:10.160
really know, UM, although through
the exploration they begin to know, but
284
00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:12.720
then to be able to speak what
it is that they like is a whole
285
00:22:12.759 --> 00:22:18.640
another level of intimacy, that they
can't always be um inebriated, they can't
286
00:22:18.680 --> 00:22:23.480
always be, you know, on
some type of recreational drug in order to
287
00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:27.559
have that experience, that they need
to claim it more fully in all of
288
00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:33.400
who they are in all realms,
and I think that is the opportunity of
289
00:22:33.559 --> 00:22:37.960
maturity, that as we mature,
that our relationships change, the relationship with
290
00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:41.720
ourselves for sure, and that what
we want in terms of sexual fulfillment becomes
291
00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:47.400
so much more profound and that you
mentioned the spiritual connection. Yet that we
292
00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:53.599
seek that and that it is more
than the mechanical functioning that sex is oftentimes
293
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:59.920
in the beginning, because we don't
understand and we don't often live or arrayed
294
00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:06.119
and sex positive community or culture where
we have an opportunity to ask the questions
295
00:23:06.519 --> 00:23:10.920
about what feels good, what what
do I like? How do I know
296
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:12.799
how to attain what I like?
How do I speak to my partner about
297
00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:18.680
what they like and when I hear
so many stories from people, men and
298
00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:22.200
women, about their first sex experience. Just one that comes to mind where
299
00:23:22.279 --> 00:23:27.680
father said to his daughter, I
want you to feel loved, I want
300
00:23:27.720 --> 00:23:32.799
you to feel respected and I want
you to have pleasure, and I think,
301
00:23:32.839 --> 00:23:37.319
wow, what a great information to
be transmitting to his daughter. Um,
302
00:23:37.559 --> 00:23:41.480
most people don't get that. Most
people like, don't do it,
303
00:23:41.799 --> 00:23:45.759
abstain, wait until you're married or
if if they are, they're just given
304
00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:49.039
preventative measures. There as a condom, here's some type of birth control,
305
00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:53.680
will put you on the pill.
But no, no conversation about and let
306
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:59.160
it be pleasurable and experience love.
And this is how you might have that
307
00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:02.279
experience. Or these are some of
the things you want to look for in
308
00:24:02.279 --> 00:24:06.599
that relationship in order to see if
this is something that you want to explore.
309
00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:17.119
We don't have those conversations. Do
you have the next big thing,
310
00:24:17.799 --> 00:24:19.960
that world changing? Which McCall it? Do you have a story to tell?
311
00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:25.200
You need a website, you need
the web spinners at Webin in with
312
00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:30.039
big picture solutions. Leaving together Seo, stellar web design and Social Media Integrations,
313
00:24:30.359 --> 00:24:34.720
you will find yourself developing your latest
and greatest thing idea or telling that
314
00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:40.240
next chapter in your story. Why? Because your audience is ready for it.
315
00:24:40.440 --> 00:24:42.799
Looked them up today at Webinit DOT
com. And remember, you're not
316
00:24:42.920 --> 00:24:57.039
everywhere unless you're webined. If you're
finding value in this podcast, you should
317
00:24:57.039 --> 00:25:00.400
really check out where it all began. See, I wrote the book moving
318
00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:06.119
up stream without a paddle as a
guide to develop the foundation for successful mindset.
319
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:10.559
Learn what I believe to be four
of the most fundamental principles to find
320
00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:15.519
success in any endeavor, and if
you apply these principles in your own life,
321
00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:19.000
you will indeed find that you can
move upstream with no paddle needed.
322
00:25:19.480 --> 00:25:30.759
Get it on Amazon today. A
Lot that is society tells us it's a
323
00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:34.519
fo pot thing. We go into
having sex just we have no clue.
324
00:25:34.839 --> 00:25:40.319
There's we have. WE HAVE SEX
AD in in school, but it's it
325
00:25:40.440 --> 00:25:42.680
doesn't prepare us for the actual event
right. It just says, well,
326
00:25:42.759 --> 00:25:45.599
this is a reproductresses is blah blah, blah, Blah Blah Blah, and
327
00:25:45.599 --> 00:25:51.799
that's very scientific. And so we
all go into this this unknowing about anything,
328
00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:56.039
and so it's my mom and my
family were very open about that.
329
00:25:56.359 --> 00:26:00.079
So, like me, talking about
sex is like whatever, there's there's nothing
330
00:26:00.119 --> 00:26:06.839
to it and it's but that's that's
so not that's atypical, that's not the
331
00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:11.079
norm. And so this this again, this idea that if we could bring
332
00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:15.240
this more into the forefront and of
saying yes, and and and I hope
333
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:18.079
you have a pleasure and I hope
you do this. And then even with
334
00:26:18.119 --> 00:26:22.319
my kids and like there's yes,
you know, I tell him like I
335
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:26.039
don't want to be I mean I'm
a grandfather now, but I don't want
336
00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:29.640
to be one for my younger kids
just yet. But you know, think
337
00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:32.960
of it differently, like it's not
it's not an evil thing, it's not
338
00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:38.640
something it's just, uh. And
I don't know that I I put that
339
00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:42.200
across them very well, but I
try because I think it's an important piece
340
00:26:42.519 --> 00:26:47.519
in in bringing that into into the
relation. It's gonna make your marriage so
341
00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:49.240
much stronger where they are married,
because it's because, again, it's we
342
00:26:49.640 --> 00:26:52.880
just look at sex as something evil
and it's really not. It's something.
343
00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:57.279
It's a transference. It's not just
transference of fluids, it's transferencive energy,
344
00:26:57.359 --> 00:27:03.000
is inference of everything. And so
that that is it's uh, I don't
345
00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:07.599
know. It's just it's a miraculous
piece that we um we have and to
346
00:27:07.640 --> 00:27:12.960
be able to express in a very
intimate and special way. Yeah, yeah,
347
00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:17.160
I mean, and I love that, that you had intimate conversations with
348
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:19.640
your children about those experiences that they
were going to have, that they have
349
00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:25.039
had, and really, I would
say, being a beacon of light in
350
00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:30.759
this darkness where so many people don't
get that information. And even when we
351
00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:34.920
have the fluency and are able to
make that positive transmission of that to our
352
00:27:36.039 --> 00:27:41.559
children, there is so much that
tells people that they are not enough or
353
00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:44.880
that they should be doing it differently. I mean, I think about the
354
00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:48.440
media image, that of women in
particular, that are hyper sexual and so
355
00:27:48.519 --> 00:27:53.200
women oftentimes, even if they had
a positive experience from their family of origin,
356
00:27:53.599 --> 00:27:59.519
may feel culturally inadequate because they don't
meet the representations that they're seeing of
357
00:27:59.640 --> 00:28:03.480
these high for sexual images and then
feeling like I don't feel like that.
358
00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:07.599
So where do I live or how
do I know how to have pleasure if
359
00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:11.799
that's not my pathway forward? What
is, and so again for me as
360
00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:17.359
I work with women, is a
reference within about what brings you pleasure and
361
00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:22.480
there's such great power when we again
to bring the focus of our energy into
362
00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:29.680
ourselves so we can contain, I
would say, sexual sovereignty or erotic sovereignty,
363
00:28:29.960 --> 00:28:33.319
so we know what it is that
brings us pleasure. So this way
364
00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:37.440
we can kind of give our lovers
an instruction manual, and this is what
365
00:28:37.599 --> 00:28:40.279
I know, this is what brings
you pleasure, this is how I achieve
366
00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:44.519
higher levels of arousal. And a
lot of times we just don't know that
367
00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:48.960
because we shut down, we achieve
a certain level or we have certain experiences
368
00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:53.119
and then we're not reaching for more. And we need to reach for more
369
00:28:53.559 --> 00:28:57.359
and there are pathways forward to do
that. Um, yeah, and we
370
00:28:57.400 --> 00:29:00.839
just need to define them, and
this is certainly one. Yeah, it
371
00:29:02.039 --> 00:29:06.759
is, and I think. I
think again on the male side perspective,
372
00:29:06.759 --> 00:29:08.440
and that I love that we're having
this conversation with the women and then I
373
00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:15.839
can ring in this male side as
well, because I think women oftentimes don't
374
00:29:15.880 --> 00:29:19.880
want to give that roadmap to their
to their spouse, significant other, boyfriend,
375
00:29:19.960 --> 00:29:25.200
whatever, Um, because they've they've
tried, maybe they have at one
376
00:29:25.240 --> 00:29:26.960
point in time, and that that
male ego tends to get well, I
377
00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:32.039
know what I'm doing right and and
I like I really wanted to put out
378
00:29:32.039 --> 00:29:34.000
there to the guy, like,
if you want to have just the best
379
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:40.440
experience ever, listen, don't let
that ego get in your way, like
380
00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:44.039
really take be in tune with your
partner and listen to what she's saying.
381
00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:45.880
Take that road, because it's going
to be beneficial for both of you.
382
00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:51.160
It's not just again, it's it's
it's a it's like anything in life,
383
00:29:51.240 --> 00:29:52.799
right. It's an equal of change. It's a give and take, and
384
00:29:53.079 --> 00:29:56.200
so when you're when you're open to
hearing what is going on, once,
385
00:29:56.680 --> 00:30:02.160
once you know, the women out
there discover these things that you're talking about
386
00:30:02.200 --> 00:30:07.319
and they like I can direct or
did the roadmap to to to my to
387
00:30:07.480 --> 00:30:12.359
my significant other, my partner.
It'll blow your mind. The whole relationship
388
00:30:12.440 --> 00:30:17.359
become a completely different animals. So
I like I want to just bring that
389
00:30:17.400 --> 00:30:19.119
out for the guys, like just
be open to that type of thing and
390
00:30:21.240 --> 00:30:23.599
don't let that Eagle get in the
way at this point. Be The servant
391
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:32.960
right, take the direction and the
the it will come back and return basically
392
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:34.799
as well, I guess the way
I'm trying to say that, but let's
393
00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:37.799
talk a little because I don't know
a lot of people, and I know
394
00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:40.759
I don't, so this this is
maybe this is just more for me than
395
00:30:40.759 --> 00:30:42.279
it is for the listeners, but
they can benefit as well. So let's
396
00:30:42.319 --> 00:30:47.319
let's talk about the contract part of
it, because, I mean, I
397
00:30:47.319 --> 00:30:49.880
I've heard about it in movies and
some little whispers here in the corner.
398
00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:55.680
So what exactly is that and what
does that look like? I love it.
399
00:30:55.880 --> 00:30:59.079
Okay, yeah, I will certainly
go into that and I really want
400
00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:02.400
to just address what you're speaking about, about the give and the take and
401
00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:06.920
how the male ego can sometimes get
in the way, and I also want
402
00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:12.000
to encourage men to have that same
experience of knowing what pleases them, so
403
00:31:12.039 --> 00:31:15.240
this way they can share and articulate
that with their partner too. that it
404
00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:19.440
goes both ways, and that's certainly
in heterosexual couples and homosexual couples I feel
405
00:31:19.480 --> 00:31:25.920
like there's a little bit more communication
that happens because they're sharing very similar bodies.
406
00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:30.119
But and even in those relationships that
we need to be able to communicate
407
00:31:30.119 --> 00:31:34.480
what is true for us, and
one of the sexiest things I see in
408
00:31:34.559 --> 00:31:40.359
couples is asking for permission or asking
for consent. Is it okay, if
409
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:45.400
I touch you here, how does
this feel? So really using words to
410
00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:49.240
begin to explore what where pleasure lies
in the body, and I think that
411
00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:53.440
even if you've been married for a
couple of decades or if you're just going
412
00:31:53.480 --> 00:32:00.440
out on a date with somebody for
a new relationship, that the exploryation and
413
00:32:00.480 --> 00:32:05.559
the conversation and consent is really a
juicy place to start. Side. I
414
00:32:05.599 --> 00:32:07.200
don't want to downplay that. I
feel like that's that's a really good thing
415
00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:13.680
and actually leads into Tchandra, because
Tandra, I would say, is exploring
416
00:32:13.720 --> 00:32:17.599
these higher levels of arousal and so
much of it needs to be based on
417
00:32:17.799 --> 00:32:23.759
clear communication and consent. In one
of the patterns that I noticed in couples
418
00:32:24.039 --> 00:32:28.559
who have been married for a long
time they kind of get entrenched in this
419
00:32:29.960 --> 00:32:31.839
I'm never going to get what I
want, so I'm just going to complain
420
00:32:31.839 --> 00:32:37.400
about it and not make a request. And when we make a request of
421
00:32:37.440 --> 00:32:43.680
somebody, we actually make an ask
or create an invitation, then we're at
422
00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:46.720
risk that we could get turned down
and then we have to deal with rejection
423
00:32:47.400 --> 00:32:51.880
and that's a huge risk, especially
you've been in a marriage or in a
424
00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:54.920
continuous relationship for a long time that
you're rocking the boat and you're taking a
425
00:32:55.039 --> 00:33:00.119
risk like that's scary. And yet, in order to be honest and in
426
00:33:00.200 --> 00:33:06.200
our integrity, we need to begin
to share what are on the edges that
427
00:33:06.279 --> 00:33:08.319
we want to bring forth so we
can have more expansion. I mean,
428
00:33:08.319 --> 00:33:14.559
and I would say that's probably the
biggest um or best definition of Tantra is.
429
00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:19.880
That's what we're doing, is that
we're claiming the edges of pleasure that
430
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:23.359
we want to bring more into the
center, and some of the best ways
431
00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:30.079
to do that for ourselves and with
a partner is through breath, sound and
432
00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:35.839
movement, and that's kind of the
truncated version about how you're using the energy
433
00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:39.680
within your own body, within your
own instrument, to bring it forth and
434
00:33:39.799 --> 00:33:43.599
connect with a partner. If you're
with a partner, you can do this
435
00:33:43.640 --> 00:33:47.799
by yourself as well, but really
bringing the energy up through your Chakras,
436
00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:51.519
which I don't know if it's a
familiar term with your audience or not,
437
00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:53.519
but yes, okay, good,
but you want to bring it through those
438
00:33:53.640 --> 00:34:00.319
energy centers, um the breath,
the energy and also a couple that with
439
00:34:00.440 --> 00:34:05.640
the energy of sex, because sexual
energy is so potent and so powerful.
440
00:34:05.799 --> 00:34:08.960
So you really want to bring that
up the body and allow it to Fountain
441
00:34:09.000 --> 00:34:14.559
Out and Fountain over, and that
is so much the basis of many different
442
00:34:14.599 --> 00:34:19.639
meditation practices Um. But that's what
my experience of chantre is too. And
443
00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:23.440
how you do and how you get
there Um varies from your partner, from
444
00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:27.639
the situation, from from who you're
with, from what it is that you're
445
00:34:27.639 --> 00:34:30.599
wanting to achieve. What is the
intention? So I invite people to play
446
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:34.360
with some of these things. So
if you have a partner, or even
447
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:37.440
if you don't and you're curious about
that, that you can begin with.
448
00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:43.320
I mean a simple self pleasure where
you're touching your skin and beginning to come
449
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:49.639
into the sense of who you are
and bringing your energy into yourself and beginning
450
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:53.960
with the breath, following the breath
up through your lower shoppers, through the
451
00:34:53.960 --> 00:34:59.400
top of your body, and then
imagining, while you're touching yourself, higher
452
00:34:59.519 --> 00:35:04.519
levels of arousal and maybe you're touching
more of your orogenous zones, and that
453
00:35:04.599 --> 00:35:07.719
you're bringing the energy and you're really
cultivating it, because when you cultivate it
454
00:35:07.719 --> 00:35:14.760
it's similar to bring you into a
crucible. So there is the containment of
455
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:17.679
that energy, and so then you're
actually able to bring it up more clearly
456
00:35:19.159 --> 00:35:22.639
and then you can imagine it and
you can really also begin to feel it,
457
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:27.719
and it is that felt sense that
is experience of Orgasm, that is
458
00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:31.440
experience of ecstasy and it is one
that we need to cultivate and that,
459
00:35:31.559 --> 00:35:37.039
through breath, we can do that
and share that with a partner, um
460
00:35:37.159 --> 00:35:40.800
we can do that with ourselves,
and so that's kind of a basic understanding,
461
00:35:42.039 --> 00:35:47.039
but also that basic understanding applies to
the more advanced practices as well.
462
00:35:47.599 --> 00:35:52.039
Yeah, yeah, I don't know
how people are thinking of this, but
463
00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:57.480
I'm gonna bring it out there because
obviously the podcast is about mindsets, right,
464
00:35:57.519 --> 00:36:00.400
it's all about mindsets, but I
think that this is and I'm we're
465
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:04.840
getting a lot of great comments on
here, but this is an important piece,
466
00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:08.880
because we have this weird mindset when
it comes to two sex and we
467
00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:15.840
have this weird mindset when it comes
to and I feel like that when we
468
00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:21.000
can be getting to shift our way
of thinking when it comes to to to
469
00:36:21.119 --> 00:36:25.000
this topic and we can open up
these new ideas and we can open up
470
00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:30.239
this this this concept of of discovering
yourself we're discovering your partner in a whole
471
00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:36.320
different way, a whole different level
that. Um, I mean I think
472
00:36:36.360 --> 00:36:39.760
a lot of most Wolm know that
the biggest common reasons for divorce and sex
473
00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:43.639
and money or whatever right we have
all that things and and sex is a
474
00:36:43.679 --> 00:36:47.079
part of that. But if we
can get that, that piece in to
475
00:36:49.199 --> 00:36:53.280
into the relationships and really again open
the awareness and change our mindset and that
476
00:36:53.400 --> 00:37:00.760
and discover our partner and discover ourselves
and discovery each other, how much that's
477
00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:05.079
going to strengthen the relationship that we
have. And it doesn't have to be
478
00:37:05.480 --> 00:37:10.079
a topic for a divorce or a
topic of of infidelity and because you know
479
00:37:10.119 --> 00:37:14.800
they're trying to find that from someone
else now when we're sharing that with our
480
00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:17.840
partners. So to me, this
is this is all about mindset and this
481
00:37:17.960 --> 00:37:23.199
is just the mindset on a very
specific topic. and Um, so my
482
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:29.800
question then for you, because you
are sex therapists, like how much of
483
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:35.559
the mindset you have to go through
with your your clients and like, I
484
00:37:35.599 --> 00:37:38.000
feel like nind mindset of everything.
So if they're coming in there with the
485
00:37:38.119 --> 00:37:44.199
improper mindset is is there a lot
of mindset work that happens to really adjust
486
00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:51.920
and be able to get them into
this the intimate aspects of sexuality. Yes,
487
00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:57.960
and I see that a lot of
us lived cerebral E so we're connected
488
00:37:58.000 --> 00:38:01.599
to this part of our body in
this western culture so much more than the
489
00:38:01.639 --> 00:38:07.559
rest of our body, and that
when we give ourselves permission to experience more
490
00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:13.679
of our body and feel the feet
on the ground and feel our connection to
491
00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:21.519
the earth, then we're shifting how
we're experiencing our lives. And so in
492
00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:24.480
terms of proportion, I don't know, because I think it's different for each
493
00:38:24.480 --> 00:38:29.320
individual, but I also think it's
different form for each person in where they're
494
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:34.159
at on the journey. So in
my clinical practice I saw a lot of
495
00:38:34.280 --> 00:38:38.679
engineers and what I loved about energy
engineers is that they had cultivated their minds
496
00:38:38.679 --> 00:38:43.280
in such a way that they were
very observant and they were very curious,
497
00:38:43.360 --> 00:38:49.719
and also they often lived from here. So the experiences of feeling kind of
498
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:52.320
devoid in their language, it was
more I think, I think. And
499
00:38:52.360 --> 00:38:54.880
so we get to cart, you
know, I think. Therefore, I
500
00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:59.840
am which, okay, we lived
there, we have lived there, and
501
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:02.800
and then there's so many ways of
knowing and then how do we come into
502
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:08.679
the body so to really disrupt that? And now how do you feel and
503
00:39:08.760 --> 00:39:14.280
can you feel the sensations in your
body and can you reference them and can
504
00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:19.079
you begin to really experience them and
can you begin to trust them? And
505
00:39:19.119 --> 00:39:23.000
I'd say for a lot of people
that's a really foreign experience and it's scary.
506
00:39:23.280 --> 00:39:27.639
And then you add sex onto that, where it can be out of
507
00:39:27.639 --> 00:39:30.719
control and you can have heightened levels
of arousal, and then it becomes like
508
00:39:31.199 --> 00:39:36.480
wow, and what I would often
see in my practice is that couples would
509
00:39:36.519 --> 00:39:40.000
come in and they would love each
other and they would live together like roommates
510
00:39:40.039 --> 00:39:44.719
and like we're so harmonious and we
have all these facets of our life that
511
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:47.159
effortlessly flow, and then when it
comes to sex, we're like, we're
512
00:39:47.199 --> 00:39:52.000
just gonna cut that limb off and
throw it out because I don't want to
513
00:39:52.039 --> 00:39:53.599
rock the boat. And they would
both have some version of that. I
514
00:39:53.639 --> 00:39:57.480
don't want to rock the boat.
I don't really want to claim what it
515
00:39:57.559 --> 00:40:00.840
is that I truly desire and speak
my a desire, because that would be
516
00:40:00.880 --> 00:40:07.320
scary. And what happens if I
said that I wanted or I have a
517
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:15.000
fantasy about being with another person or
that I'm attracted to another person or but
518
00:40:15.159 --> 00:40:20.159
once we speak that, it comes
into the realm of reality. Our ears
519
00:40:20.199 --> 00:40:23.320
have heard, our body has felt
that, and then all of those things
520
00:40:23.320 --> 00:40:28.079
don't necessarily need to come to fruition, although they can, but then it
521
00:40:28.119 --> 00:40:31.519
can begin to be negotiated and it
brings it to this level of reality.
522
00:40:31.800 --> 00:40:37.480
It brings it to this level of
body that is very different from mine,
523
00:40:37.840 --> 00:40:45.440
because body integrates things so much more
quickly and so much vastly the mind.
524
00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:47.960
When we learn how to walk,
we don't get an instruction. Manually,
525
00:40:49.119 --> 00:40:52.519
okay, read this, figure out
it's we template it and our body and
526
00:40:52.559 --> 00:40:59.280
there's so many things that we can
template when we're given permission and we're given
527
00:40:59.320 --> 00:41:06.280
guidance, know how to do them. Yeah, that's that's amazing and I
528
00:41:06.360 --> 00:41:08.360
like how you were saying that we
live here all right, because we do.
529
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:14.559
We agree and it really in my
just personal development journey, I really
530
00:41:14.559 --> 00:41:20.400
began to understand more about the entire
body and the Chospras that we have and
531
00:41:20.440 --> 00:41:22.400
the different think centers that we have. Because you will kind of go a
532
00:41:22.400 --> 00:41:25.119
little bit first full circle, and
you said you know there's the hard place
533
00:41:25.159 --> 00:41:29.360
there, the heart is a think
centers. This isn't the only one,
534
00:41:29.519 --> 00:41:31.400
right, it's here, your gut
is that when we need to have a
535
00:41:31.480 --> 00:41:35.840
gut feeling. There's a reason why
we say that, because it's a thing
536
00:41:35.960 --> 00:41:40.119
center and there's so much more to
our the physical body, that we again,
537
00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:46.599
we just don't understand. and Um, and sex is a huge part
538
00:41:46.639 --> 00:41:50.960
of that. And so I really
love that we're having, I think,
539
00:41:51.480 --> 00:41:53.840
I think the listeners will write about
that we're having covers, because what it
540
00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:59.639
does, and I think this is
important, is that we're giving them,
541
00:41:59.719 --> 00:42:04.679
uh, just through this conversation,
permission, and I think people need that
542
00:42:04.760 --> 00:42:09.400
sometimes, like well, I have
permission to talk about this awesome and so,
543
00:42:09.679 --> 00:42:13.639
Um, I think that's why this
is, this is such an important
544
00:42:13.719 --> 00:42:17.239
topic right now. We're giving them
permission to to to to have these conversations,
545
00:42:17.239 --> 00:42:22.320
as you said, to do the
vocal piece of that, because that's
546
00:42:22.000 --> 00:42:25.480
the vocal pieces very powerful, I
mean, and not just with this topic.
547
00:42:25.519 --> 00:42:30.559
When we're communication is a big thing. Then you suppress the communication.
548
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:35.559
What happens you when you suppress anything? You get depression, you get anxiety,
549
00:42:35.639 --> 00:42:39.199
you get this. But when we
can vocalize all these pieces Um in
550
00:42:39.239 --> 00:42:44.599
all aspects of our life, there's
a release and that, and that's just
551
00:42:44.639 --> 00:42:47.119
as important with what we're talking about
today, is the sex aspect. Is
552
00:42:47.280 --> 00:42:52.039
vocalize it, let's let's. That's
why sound is so important in intercourse.
553
00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:58.840
Sound is important there as well.
Explain that a little bit, since you
554
00:42:58.880 --> 00:43:01.719
brought it up. Just go down
that I will, and I want to
555
00:43:01.719 --> 00:43:06.199
say that it's interesting. The mind
is a thing center, the heart is
556
00:43:06.199 --> 00:43:08.320
a think center and the gut is
a think center, and I feel like,
557
00:43:08.400 --> 00:43:19.519
Oh yes, and their feeling centers. So we love them. And
558
00:43:19.559 --> 00:43:22.880
so language is important and how we
use language it's important. And when we're
559
00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:30.679
able to UM experience levels of arousal
and use our voice to express them,
560
00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:36.360
that we can experience them so much
more, because then we're becoming more expansive
561
00:43:36.400 --> 00:43:39.800
because we're using a center of expression, and then we're able to amplify that
562
00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:45.719
experience of pleasure. And so it
begins, and I would say, in
563
00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:51.639
the foreplay of vocalizing. This is
what I truly desire from this intimate experience
564
00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:55.360
before we have this love making session. Let's talk about a friend gave me
565
00:43:55.440 --> 00:44:00.159
this a couple of weeks ago,
B D s m. So boundary is,
566
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:04.599
what are the boundaries that would help
you feel safe? What is it
567
00:44:04.679 --> 00:44:08.119
that you desire, and then how
can I help you achieve that? And
568
00:44:08.159 --> 00:44:12.800
then what is your sexual history?
Because even if we have the same partner,
569
00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:15.719
we've had the same partner for whatever
we might just want to check in
570
00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:20.280
with them and see what's going on
with them sexually, and that's okay to
571
00:44:20.320 --> 00:44:23.679
ask. Maybe they're feelings some irritation
in their genital area. We don't know,
572
00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:30.480
but if we don't ask, then
we're we're basing our UM experience on
573
00:44:30.519 --> 00:44:34.880
assumptions. And then the M is
a mental the mental quality of what are
574
00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:37.119
you experiencing right now? Well,
I feel really tender in my heart and
575
00:44:37.159 --> 00:44:40.679
I would like this to be a
very gentle experience because I'm scared and I
576
00:44:40.719 --> 00:44:45.320
don't have the words and I'm I'm
feeling like I'm not gonna get it right
577
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:47.000
and I feel awkward and I feel
like it's gonna be messy and that's not
578
00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:51.239
gonna be really sexy. So I
feel self conscious and like if I had
579
00:44:51.280 --> 00:44:58.719
that experience yes just yesterday, right, and to all that it's like,
580
00:44:58.760 --> 00:45:02.119
oh, we live there and that
that's okay and that's okay. We don't
581
00:45:02.119 --> 00:45:07.239
always have to show up as super
sexy and supercharge. Well, sometimes we
582
00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:12.440
can because we really feel it,
and sometimes we don't, and so we're
583
00:45:12.440 --> 00:45:15.639
just showing up as we are and
we can speak about it and claim it,
584
00:45:15.400 --> 00:45:19.480
and I'd say that's part of the
foreplay. So if you use this
585
00:45:19.960 --> 00:45:22.760
B D S M as a gateway, then you can begin to have the
586
00:45:22.880 --> 00:45:30.000
experience in the love making session of
sounding. I mean sound is so powerful.
587
00:45:30.320 --> 00:45:34.079
I mean, for one thing,
if I don't know if I could
588
00:45:34.079 --> 00:45:37.760
say these words, but if you're
giving a man a blowjob, when you're
589
00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:45.039
sounding with your throat, the vibrations
actually give him more stimulation and he knows
590
00:45:45.079 --> 00:45:47.719
that you're enjoying it, and so
then there's a creation this feedback loop.
591
00:45:47.960 --> 00:45:53.639
And so sound is vital in so
many areas of our love making and that
592
00:45:54.039 --> 00:46:00.239
oftentimes we shut down we don't want
the kids to hear or we've been hot
593
00:46:00.280 --> 00:46:02.800
because we were teenagers when we're kind
of being sneaky. We were sneaking about
594
00:46:02.840 --> 00:46:07.480
it Um that we couldn't be loud, that we had to be quiet,
595
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:14.360
and loud is expressive. I mean, I remember my former husband would tell
596
00:46:14.440 --> 00:46:16.920
me that I laughed too loud and
I thought, oh, that should have
597
00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:21.599
been an indicator right there. As
I laugh loud, I live loud.
598
00:46:21.639 --> 00:46:24.360
It's like I I like to be
expressive. I feel like it's important and
599
00:46:24.440 --> 00:46:30.320
to suppress, like you were saying, Garrett, isn't really helpful. Yeah,
600
00:46:30.360 --> 00:46:32.559
that's very true. That's and we're
we're getting close to time. I
601
00:46:32.559 --> 00:46:37.239
think that's a really good point to
maybe just wrap it up on, because
602
00:46:37.039 --> 00:46:42.559
again, it's another piece that we
don't think about. It's the society aspect
603
00:46:42.559 --> 00:46:45.039
of like you were saying. Well, we have to be quiet, you
604
00:46:45.079 --> 00:46:46.119
have to be sneaky, you have
to do this. We don't do that,
605
00:46:46.199 --> 00:46:50.360
don't do that, and I think
that if we, if we really
606
00:46:50.440 --> 00:46:53.920
think about it, if we if
we go deep into ourselves as a piece,
607
00:46:53.960 --> 00:46:59.559
that that that's that's the natural way
to be and not the way that
608
00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:02.360
we're to be. So if we
go back to who we naturally are,
609
00:47:02.519 --> 00:47:07.199
the express of people that we really
are, um, then the sound aspect
610
00:47:07.199 --> 00:47:12.840
makes completely total sense and and how
it could really definitely hide the experience.
611
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:16.400
But I just, Tarad, I
don't even know how to say. I
612
00:47:16.480 --> 00:47:21.199
just appreciate you so much. We're
coming on. I know that there's a
613
00:47:21.199 --> 00:47:24.280
lot of Aha moments that people are
going to have when they listen to this,
614
00:47:24.519 --> 00:47:29.840
but and when they have those Aham
moments, they're gonna want to explore
615
00:47:29.880 --> 00:47:31.760
it a little bit more. So
I want you to be able to to
616
00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:36.840
let them know. How can I
get in contact with you if they want
617
00:47:36.880 --> 00:47:43.639
to to truly explore this, this
topic more in depth? Yes, well,
618
00:47:43.679 --> 00:47:47.840
I'd say this book, rediscovering a
body, is really the name of
619
00:47:47.880 --> 00:47:52.119
all my work. So this is
my body of work in addition to my
620
00:47:52.159 --> 00:47:54.280
book, and you can find it
on Amazon, but it's also my website,
621
00:47:54.320 --> 00:47:58.239
so rediscovering my body, and I
would love for people to connect with
622
00:47:58.280 --> 00:48:01.880
me there. I'm also on face
book and Instagram rediscovering my body, and
623
00:48:01.920 --> 00:48:06.920
I love to hear comments and questions. I'm very open to conversation. I
624
00:48:07.039 --> 00:48:10.039
love to know what people are working
with, what their challenges are and what
625
00:48:10.119 --> 00:48:14.840
their joys are and really what brings
them pleasure. And I am posting a
626
00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:19.800
couple's retreat in September that I'm very
excited about because I'll be working with a
627
00:48:19.880 --> 00:48:23.960
colleague who is a man who I
feel like brings in the divine, masculine
628
00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:31.199
and has great integrity, great boundaries
and great skill at communicating with couples.
629
00:48:31.239 --> 00:48:36.000
So we're yeah, we're really excited
about doing this in person in September,
630
00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:44.039
the ninth, through his retreat center
land in southern southeastern California. So so
631
00:48:44.119 --> 00:48:47.119
yeah, contact me and I'd love
to have a conversation with you. Perfect,
632
00:48:47.199 --> 00:48:52.000
perfect, Um. Well again,
Tara, thank you so much.
633
00:48:52.079 --> 00:48:58.079
It's been a blessing and just an
amazing conversation. Um to only I actually
634
00:48:58.119 --> 00:49:02.360
kind of keep going because I still
have more questions, but that just leads
635
00:49:02.400 --> 00:49:06.639
for part two, right, so
we can some time down the road.
636
00:49:06.920 --> 00:49:09.559
But I just I wanna again just
express my gratitude towards you for taking the
637
00:49:09.639 --> 00:49:15.039
time to come on and just,
uh, share your wisdom on the topic
638
00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:19.639
in Um. With that, I'M
gonna be signed off. Everybody. So
639
00:49:19.679 --> 00:49:22.320
if you have questions, just keep
commentating on because this was live on facebook,
640
00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:25.480
so you can keep coming on facebook
and we can get these questions a
641
00:49:25.599 --> 00:49:30.320
terra answer, or you can go
visit her at her website and on facebook
642
00:49:30.360 --> 00:49:32.760
as well as as she has mentioned. I'll put I'll put your your book
643
00:49:32.800 --> 00:49:37.599
title and all that in the podcast
notes. So and descriptions so they know
644
00:49:37.639 --> 00:49:40.360
where to go. But with that, everybody with a factist conversation. You,
645
00:49:40.360 --> 00:49:45.679
guys, thank you so much for
always showing up to these podcasts and
646
00:49:45.719 --> 00:49:51.039
these these these topics that we have
and really Um bringing more awareness to your
647
00:49:51.079 --> 00:49:53.639
life. And with that, we
will be having another one very soon.
648
00:49:57.679 --> 00:50:00.119
Thanks for tuning in. If you
found that you in this episode, the
649
00:50:00.159 --> 00:50:05.239
best thing you can do is to
subscribe, rate or review this podcast.
650
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:08.320
If you would like to further investigate
how you can flip your mindset, feel
651
00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:14.840
free to contact me through my website
at www dot garrett goggins dot com.
652
00:50:15.039 --> 00:50:20.440
Can't wait to catch you on the
next episode. m