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Key to Best Sex Ever - Tara Galeano

Key to Best Sex Ever  - Tara Galeano

The topic of this episode is usually taboo in our society. Sex. Tara is a certified sex therapist who works with both men and women. The rediscovering of herself came after the break-up of a twenty-five-year marriage which was quite dramatic and traumatic. She became a Yoga instructor and a tantric practitioner. Tara says our bodies are designed for pleasure. Sex is really powerful and pleasure is a birthright. A most interesting and enlightening conversation you won’t want to miss. Tara can be found at:

www:rediscoveringmybody.com

Facebook/Instagram: Rediscovering My Body

Book on Amazon: Rediscovering My Body

Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.560 --> 00:00:07.320 Hey, Dr g here. Thank you for listening to moving up stream without 2 00:00:07.320 --> 00:00:11.119 a paddle. I would like to work with businesses, authors, coaches and 3 00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:15.679 the like who understand the importance of shifting perspectives to obtain the results. We're 4 00:00:15.720 --> 00:00:19.800 looking forward and pleased to announce that moving up stream without a paddle is now 5 00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:24.920 offering commercial spots to be aired during the episodes. If you believe your organization 6 00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:29.079 would benefit from advertising on the PODCAST, I would love to have you be 7 00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:33.840 a part of this continuously growing show. Let's get connected and inspire the world 8 00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:44.359 together. M Hello everybody, welcome back. I'm pretty excited today I have 9 00:00:44.439 --> 00:00:48.200 a have a guest that we're going to talk about topic that I do not 10 00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:52.200 believe I have had on this show yet. Could be wrong, but I'm 11 00:00:52.200 --> 00:00:57.719 pretty sure I'm not. Um but it's hopefully I don't damage it because my 12 00:00:57.759 --> 00:01:03.399 sister pronounces her name Tara, but it could Tara but Galliano. She has 13 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:07.560 worked with women for over two decades to get their their sexy back and this 14 00:01:07.799 --> 00:01:11.560 that's just an amazing way to put it. But she knows that there is 15 00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:15.319 pleasure in the body beyond our wildest dreams and every woman can access it. 16 00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:22.040 Access that. In her book, rediscovering my body, Um Tara teaches women 17 00:01:22.079 --> 00:01:26.120 how to show up for pleasure in in their lives, and she's rediscovered her 18 00:01:26.120 --> 00:01:30.079 own body. After leaving her twenty five year marriage, realizing that she had 19 00:01:30.120 --> 00:01:34.519 given so much of herself away, she knew that she needed to come back 20 00:01:34.200 --> 00:01:40.120 and to the body's inherent wisdom. Through reconnecting with her own body, Tara 21 00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:45.719 has was able to understand what was right and pleasurable for her and how best 22 00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:52.400 to proceed from that point. From that wisdom, most importantly, she um 23 00:01:52.439 --> 00:01:56.840 she now teaches these lessons to other women who are clamoring for the same truth 24 00:01:56.920 --> 00:02:01.280 and looking for that way to transform their lives and reclaim their sensuality. So 25 00:02:01.400 --> 00:02:07.359 now Tara has embodied this path and is moving forward to share this this wisdom 26 00:02:07.400 --> 00:02:10.680 with women everywhere and, like I said, I'm really excited. We are 27 00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:16.439 going to be having this conversation with her right after this. Welcome to moving 28 00:02:16.520 --> 00:02:21.560 up stream without a paddle, the podcast that helps develop a mindset for success. 29 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:24.319 I'm your host, Dr Garrett Goggins, but most people call me Dr 30 00:02:24.439 --> 00:02:30.319 g. Now dedicated to helping others understand that if you have the proper mindset, 31 00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:36.879 you can propel yourself up that proverbial stream with no paddle needing. If 32 00:02:36.919 --> 00:02:40.199 you're constantly feeling like you're going against the flow but you're never happy with your 33 00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:45.800 results, it's really time to flip your mindset. If that's something that you're 34 00:02:45.840 --> 00:02:49.520 ready to do, you've come to the right place. Now let's get to 35 00:02:49.599 --> 00:03:07.240 it. Hello. So, is it terror or is it Tara? It's 36 00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:12.080 Tara, it's a. But yeah, it's Tara from gone with the wind, 37 00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:15.560 the plantation, right, right. So, yeah, my sister and 38 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:20.159 it is. It's A. I've met so many territories in my life, 39 00:03:20.199 --> 00:03:24.639 but my sister is she's Tara, and so I usually go with the terror 40 00:03:24.680 --> 00:03:29.159 because I feel like that's more common than Tara. But, um, that 41 00:03:29.319 --> 00:03:32.680 being said, well, the show, Tara. So so happy to have 42 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:37.560 you here. Thanks so much, Garrett. It's really a pleasure to be 43 00:03:37.719 --> 00:03:40.639 here. Yeah, so excited to speak with you today. Yeah, I'm 44 00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:45.159 excited to have this conversation. Like I told you prey pre show, that 45 00:03:45.240 --> 00:03:46.919 I got a lot of response that people like, Oh, I'm really excited 46 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:51.400 to listen to this one. and Um, that's I don't know, if 47 00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:53.800 I don't ever expect anything, but that's not something that's ever happened before. 48 00:03:53.919 --> 00:04:00.520 That much of a pre show outreach. So I'm really time to see where 49 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:02.840 this goes. But and how I do this, like I told you earlier, 50 00:04:02.919 --> 00:04:05.879 is I just give you center stage and I really want just to get 51 00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:10.960 your story out there. The you know what you do, why you do 52 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:14.719 it and how you got there, and then the questions just go from there 53 00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:18.519 and we'll have this wonderful conversation. And so if you don't mind to take 54 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:21.439 it away, I love it. Thank you. Thank you. So yeah, 55 00:04:21.439 --> 00:04:26.079 I think that when you bring in the topic of sex, people will 56 00:04:26.120 --> 00:04:32.680 get interested. That's my experience and so I'll share a little bit about my 57 00:04:33.240 --> 00:04:40.160 story. Is that I goodness. I studied at Europe University and I studied 58 00:04:40.199 --> 00:04:46.160 contemplative education and I studied mindfulness and I studied um how to be a better 59 00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:48.240 therapist or how to be a better human really, and then how to do 60 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:53.639 that as a therapist. So it's trained as a clinician. I had a 61 00:04:53.639 --> 00:04:57.639 private practice in Boulder, Colorado for a couple of decades. I was a 62 00:04:57.639 --> 00:05:00.399 certified sex there, because I have a certified sex there. So I've been 63 00:05:00.439 --> 00:05:04.040 speaking about sex most of my work days and I thought that I had this 64 00:05:04.279 --> 00:05:11.319 great knowledge, really academic, conceptual framework, cerebral understanding of sex. I 65 00:05:11.319 --> 00:05:15.000 thought I was having pretty good sex in my own life too. And then, 66 00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:19.480 you know, as fate, a goodness comes to unfold, is that 67 00:05:19.600 --> 00:05:24.279 I here, I am sex therapist and I was married to a sex addicts. 68 00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:30.759 There's a really just this perfect storm, and went through the methodologies that 69 00:05:30.800 --> 00:05:33.360 I thought would be helpful for our relationship. I, you know, it 70 00:05:33.439 --> 00:05:41.079 was very proactive and recognizing that my own self worth, my own self esteem, 71 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:45.279 was really tied up in the success of this relationship, because I I 72 00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:49.319 am also a couple's therapist, and that this had to work and that I 73 00:05:49.399 --> 00:05:54.879 took vows to make it work and that I was really adhering to these vows. 74 00:05:54.920 --> 00:05:59.040 So I was married for twenty five years and I'd say for probably most 75 00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:02.040 of the relationship I was aware of the addictive pattern that my husband struggled with, 76 00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:06.519 my former husband struggled with, and just felt like, okay, we 77 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:10.040 can work on this, we can work on this, and I had this 78 00:06:10.199 --> 00:06:15.639 optimistic can do attitude that just really wasn't working. I mean to be honest, 79 00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:23.560 it doesn't really it was not working and what I found was, well, 80 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:28.879 that our past were no longer in alignment and things came to a very 81 00:06:28.959 --> 00:06:33.720 dramatic head. Um. There was a really an altercation that happened. There 82 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:40.360 was lots of litigation, lots of drama. Is it kind of like my 83 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:45.360 story telling, Nobela, and and I get that's what I needed in order 84 00:06:45.399 --> 00:06:49.199 to really make these clear cuts and allow myself to be released, because I 85 00:06:49.319 --> 00:06:55.519 was really beholden to these vows that I was married and that I was going 86 00:06:55.560 --> 00:07:00.079 to do whatever it takes to make this successful. And there was no a 87 00:07:00.199 --> 00:07:02.360 way that it was ever going to be successful. It was never going to 88 00:07:02.399 --> 00:07:06.839 be the relationship that I needed or wanted any longer at that time. I'm 89 00:07:06.839 --> 00:07:10.879 sure it was for a number of decades and I was pretty comfortable and I 90 00:07:10.920 --> 00:07:15.680 liked I liked my former husband. I mean so kind of like him too 91 00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:18.439 that we're not really in communication, but I think the distance really just puts 92 00:07:18.439 --> 00:07:26.439 things in perspective. And so in December, after all doors slam shut, 93 00:07:26.680 --> 00:07:29.959 I needed to move forward and I needed to figure out what was true for 94 00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:33.160 me. And so I'm, like I said, I'm a clinician, I'm 95 00:07:33.199 --> 00:07:38.519 trained as a sex therapist and I thought I knew about sex and I thought 96 00:07:38.600 --> 00:07:44.959 I knew about the deeper understandings of our bodies, and I didn't. I 97 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:48.879 mean, and that's really a very humbling experience for myself I'm sure for many 98 00:07:48.920 --> 00:07:56.680 other people who have had that experience, and the expertise that I lived in 99 00:07:56.720 --> 00:08:00.560 and the facade, you know, my professional facade, was really pulled out 100 00:08:00.680 --> 00:08:03.839 from under me. Not that I couldn't do the work and that I wasn't 101 00:08:03.879 --> 00:08:07.600 successful with the work, but it was so distant, it was so outside 102 00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:11.600 of who I was. In that moment of being so vulnerable and being so 103 00:08:13.519 --> 00:08:18.319 really a shame. I felt a lot of shame and guilt that my marriage 104 00:08:18.439 --> 00:08:22.160 was not the success that I wanted it to be and that I had endured 105 00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:26.920 for twenty five years to make it so and that it really was never going 106 00:08:28.000 --> 00:08:31.879 to be and that I just needed to let that go and in the process 107 00:08:31.920 --> 00:08:39.080 of letting go, really understanding who I am as a fifty year old sex 108 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:45.159 therapists and as a woman, branching out and really cultivating my own life in 109 00:08:45.159 --> 00:08:48.600 a way that I had never done before. And so I went on a 110 00:08:48.679 --> 00:08:52.919 journey, I mean really and it involved. I went to an Ostrom um 111 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:58.639 for a month and became a yoga instructor. I studied tontric education to become 112 00:08:58.679 --> 00:09:07.120 a tontric practitioner. I studying intervaginal massage so I could really understand the inside 113 00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:11.559 and the felt experience of being a woman, not only for myself but for 114 00:09:11.639 --> 00:09:18.320 other women, and so really going into much deeper explorations of what it is 115 00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:22.120 to be in this body, because I know now that this body is the 116 00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:28.440 greatest vehicle that we can achieve enlightenment, if you will, or or um 117 00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:33.559 liberation or all the things that were meant here to do on this earthly plane. 118 00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:37.200 It's you know it. The mind is important, but the mind is 119 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:39.240 the servant of the body, I would say, because the body is where 120 00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:46.879 the heartless and the heart has a huge pteroidal field, that is goodness, 121 00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:48.799 larger than the one of the brain or the one of the mind. And 122 00:09:48.840 --> 00:09:52.279 so when we live into the heart, when I have had the experience of 123 00:09:52.320 --> 00:09:56.080 living into the heart, I can see so much more transformation in my life 124 00:09:56.360 --> 00:10:00.559 and I really had to let go of everything. I lived in Bolder Colorado 125 00:10:00.600 --> 00:10:03.879 for twenty two years. I raised my kids there. I was married there 126 00:10:03.399 --> 00:10:09.919 and I left Um and I left to become a new person, to really 127 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:13.559 start over and to begin to understand the wisdom of the body and that I 128 00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:18.039 know that, particularly for women, that there's inherent power within the body, 129 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:22.440 that we are magic, we are mystery, that that we can create life 130 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:26.159 Um, and it's not just human life, but we can create things that 131 00:10:26.200 --> 00:10:31.840 are beyond our wildest dreams, and that it really is about tapping into the 132 00:10:31.879 --> 00:10:35.200 power of the body and coming into the present moment, and the breath is 133 00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:39.399 a great modality to do that. And the body is always in the present 134 00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:43.399 moment. And so the future. You know that future thinking can really create 135 00:10:43.480 --> 00:10:50.919 anxiety and past thinking can really cultivate depression. But the gift of being in 136 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:54.200 the present moment is being in the body and knowing all of the pleasure and 137 00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:58.320 all the vastness of that. So that's what I teach because that's what I 138 00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:01.799 lived over the past, I would say, three years, really understanding the 139 00:11:01.879 --> 00:11:05.480 depth of what it means to be in this human body, to be in 140 00:11:05.559 --> 00:11:11.200 a female body, and and so many learnings around that. So I wrote 141 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:16.399 a book called rediscounted, my body, which is based on a lot of 142 00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:20.120 the work that I needed to do myself, but also it was based on 143 00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:22.720 the work that I did with women who had had cancer, and I taught 144 00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:28.879 a class at bolder community health for a number of years two women who are 145 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:33.200 on a cancer journey, who were really afraid of tapping into their body because 146 00:11:33.240 --> 00:11:37.159 of trauma, because of grief, because they've been objectified by the medical community, 147 00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:39.600 because they didn't feel safe in their bodies, because they only felt pain 148 00:11:39.639 --> 00:11:43.879 in their bodies, and that they've really struggled with their own mortality. And 149 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:48.639 I could see that this work was really resonant, not only for women who 150 00:11:48.679 --> 00:11:52.960 have been on a canceled journey, but for all women. And so many 151 00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:56.120 women wanted to know how do I do this work? You know, I 152 00:11:56.120 --> 00:11:58.279 don't have the prerequisite, thank goodness, but I want to do this work 153 00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:03.799 and I wrote this book for all women, because it not only was the 154 00:12:03.840 --> 00:12:09.840 women who were on the cancer journey who had these made amazing awakenings and were 155 00:12:09.879 --> 00:12:16.840 these Amazon women courageously exploring pleasure and regaining, I would say, sovereignty of 156 00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:20.840 their own sexuality and of their own body, but so many women want that 157 00:12:20.919 --> 00:12:24.360 and I needed to go on that journey in my own way, not with 158 00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:28.240 cancer, but on the rediscovery process of my body, what it is to 159 00:12:28.320 --> 00:12:35.320 reinvent myself and rediscover myself after the loss of a marriage, after after the 160 00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:39.639 grief, after the trauma that I experienced, and how to reclaim that, 161 00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:45.720 and also recognizing that so much of the recreation of the things that I needed 162 00:12:45.759 --> 00:12:50.559 to learn of my adult life were from childhood wounds and I would say probably 163 00:12:50.600 --> 00:12:54.480 for me, going all the way back to in utero experiences, because I 164 00:12:54.519 --> 00:13:00.799 am adopted, because I had a lot of Um trauma in that area of 165 00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:03.919 my life too. So that's where I'm gonna land, and so that's why 166 00:13:03.960 --> 00:13:07.399 I do what idea? That's, yeah, how I do it. and 167 00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:11.440 well, it's awesome. It's awesome when I so. Well, I mean 168 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:15.759 you brought out a couple of things. That's some there there is this idea 169 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:20.879 that the body is the the servant of the mind, but you went to 170 00:13:20.960 --> 00:13:26.799 different directions, that the mind is the servant of the body, and I 171 00:13:26.840 --> 00:13:28.519 don't want people to get hung up on that, because I don't. I 172 00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:33.879 don't want them to lose this idea because there is this huge, important piece 173 00:13:33.960 --> 00:13:39.559 that, whether whether whichever one is true or false, it doesn't matter. 174 00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:43.320 We do not understand our body, and I think that's as a whole. 175 00:13:43.559 --> 00:13:48.759 I mean we are taught certain things, and especially if we start diving into 176 00:13:48.759 --> 00:13:50.600 the sectrum. I think the reason why people perk up when you hear that, 177 00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:54.279 like you said in the beginning, of people perk up is because it's 178 00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:58.000 such a beaux PA to talk about sex and to do it in a way 179 00:13:58.120 --> 00:14:05.600 that discovering your body. But our bodies are built to do things in specific 180 00:14:05.639 --> 00:14:09.759 ways and I love how you went on the journey to really figure that out, 181 00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:15.159 because not a lot of people will do that. and Um, so 182 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:18.879 let's let's talk about that, because some of what are some of your findings 183 00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:26.039 when and it's not even just sex at this point right it's the it's the 184 00:14:26.039 --> 00:14:28.720 the energy, the release of everything that's going on as you're doing that, 185 00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:35.000 because there's I don't I want to say this, there's there's the feeling that 186 00:14:35.080 --> 00:14:39.039 you have with each other, the physical feeling, then there's the emotional feeling 187 00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:45.159 and there's all these stuff that's tied into, I'm assuming, what you discover 188 00:14:45.279 --> 00:14:48.080 within that journey. So can you touch on maybe some of the journey more 189 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:52.519 in depth? I will, yes, thank you. And I like this 190 00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:56.039 idea that the mind is a certain of the body and that the body is 191 00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:58.080 a certain of the mind, because I feel it's kind of like the chicken 192 00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:01.440 or the egg. You know, it's the just and just pick one and 193 00:15:01.480 --> 00:15:03.720 it's a starting point. And so for me it really has been the body. 194 00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:09.000 And what I know about sex and sexuality is that our bodies are really 195 00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:13.879 designed for pleasure and that we're really meant to grasp for that. But there's 196 00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:18.440 so many overlays, whether it's religion or trauma or guilt, that prevent us 197 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:24.559 from having those experiences and our bodies are really these amazing vehicles that enable us 198 00:15:24.759 --> 00:15:28.600 to have more pleasure. And I think the reason why people like the idea 199 00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:33.279 of sex so much and sometimes actual experience of sex, is because it's really 200 00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:39.120 powerful. It is a tremendously transformative force that we don't always know where it's 201 00:15:39.159 --> 00:15:43.919 going to take us. It's like stepping into the unknown in a in a 202 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:48.039 safe way, if it can be safe Um, but also in a regular, 203 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:52.240 consistent ways. Just there are opportunities for people to have sex or to 204 00:15:52.360 --> 00:15:56.720 experience self love with themselves and with others, and for me, as a 205 00:15:56.759 --> 00:16:00.960 sex therapist and as a sexual empowerment coach. What I find is that sex 206 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:04.879 is really this advanced course and what I know through my togic practices is that 207 00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:10.519 there's elements that can be brought in in how we live in our mundane lives. 208 00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:18.279 However, when we are grasping for the titillation factor or grasping for the 209 00:16:18.360 --> 00:16:23.720 novelty Um and it's outside of our regular realm of how we are, then 210 00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:30.480 the integration is much more difficult. So those orgasmic or ecstatic experiences than don't 211 00:16:30.600 --> 00:16:33.000 land as well and it becomes things that we then seek after, and I 212 00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:38.440 understand that more maybe through the Lens of sex addiction or compulsivity. So I 213 00:16:38.679 --> 00:16:41.320 know we want more pleasure in our lives, but we don't know how to 214 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:45.320 attain it. And so the opportunity, I would say, in working with 215 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:51.519 me or doing the work that I do is coming into body and exploring self 216 00:16:51.559 --> 00:16:56.840 love in a very mundane, gentle way, because it is from that that 217 00:16:56.879 --> 00:17:03.240 we can have more consistency, more stained pleasure and more integration of those experiences. 218 00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:06.119 And so I'll just speak a little bit more about my experience as a 219 00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:11.720 woman, is that as a woman I have been trained in the society to 220 00:17:12.359 --> 00:17:18.039 give to others, to be a caregiver, and that's how I received accolades 221 00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:22.000 or that's how I received value. And so what I have done, and 222 00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:25.319 what I see a lot of women do, is externally reference. I'm referencing 223 00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:30.480 things outside of myself, and the truth is so much within our being. 224 00:17:30.599 --> 00:17:33.000 And that's why the body is so important, because when we're able to reference 225 00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:37.200 the vastness of our body really through the womb space, so through the uterus, 226 00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:41.640 then there is a power or an activation that can happen there. It's 227 00:17:41.799 --> 00:17:47.680 very profound. But oftentimes we bypass this as particularly as women, and we 228 00:17:47.799 --> 00:17:51.119 begin to reference our partners. And so even when people are coming into sex 229 00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:55.160 therapy, couples in particular, heterosexual couples, are coming in, when women 230 00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:57.200 are saying I want to be able to pre please my partner more, or 231 00:17:59.319 --> 00:18:03.559 maybe I'm broken and so fix me. So really that like, okay, 232 00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:07.839 we need to have a a paradigm shift here where you are a value just 233 00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:12.759 for being you and you can experience pleasure just for being you. Is that 234 00:18:12.880 --> 00:18:17.680 the body, particularly the female body, would have a clitterest that has over 235 00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:21.400 eight thousand nerve endings, that it's just for pleasure, there is no other 236 00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:26.839 use for it, and so really stepping into wow, we have pleasure as 237 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:30.319 a birthright, and how do we live into that and how can we do 238 00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:36.839 it on a small, sustainable scale so we can reach these outer limits that 239 00:18:36.920 --> 00:18:45.039 are again beyond our wildest dreams? Yeah, and I will argue with anybody 240 00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:51.279 who says that. Um, and it really goes more a religious sect, 241 00:18:51.319 --> 00:18:56.000 that sex is merely just a tool for reproduction. And I firmly believe and 242 00:18:56.039 --> 00:19:02.079 agree with you that we we're here for pleasure like that. That's a big 243 00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:07.240 thing for us. That's that's why the stronger feelings are those of the pleasurable 244 00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:12.039 ones, and and and Um. But but it's really interesting that you were 245 00:19:12.039 --> 00:19:17.799 saying this because maybe maybe it's because my parents were separated and I was raised 246 00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:22.480 more by my my mother than I was my father. But even knowing my 247 00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:25.440 dad, I don't think this would have been the case. But I was 248 00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:33.119 always taught that it was the my when it came to to sex and and 249 00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:37.200 how that was is to please the woman, and I feel like maybe there 250 00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:41.799 is a I don't know where. So what you were saying to me what 251 00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:44.920 you were just saying there was very foreign to me. That was that was 252 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:48.240 so weird. And and I feel like a lot of guys may even beyond 253 00:19:48.279 --> 00:19:55.160 that realm where we're for like it's our duty to do that performing and and 254 00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:57.640 and I feel like this is just the guy's paid. Sometimes we fall short 255 00:19:57.720 --> 00:20:02.319 because it's it's so easy for us. Right, it's there, it really 256 00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:06.200 is. It's not a not a difficult thing. But Um, but this 257 00:20:06.279 --> 00:20:10.119 is where I love this idea of the women understanding what's going on with them 258 00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:14.440 and I think if the guys receptive to it, there can be some directions 259 00:20:14.480 --> 00:20:17.759 to make it not so difficult for us to really give the pleasure to the 260 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:21.359 woman. And and that's but that's a very stressful thing for a guy. 261 00:20:21.480 --> 00:20:23.160 Is Like we have to please them, I have to please them, and 262 00:20:23.240 --> 00:20:26.559 what if I fall short? And so there's there's a whole thing. But 263 00:20:26.599 --> 00:20:32.759 when we can come in harmony in this act, in this embracing each other, 264 00:20:33.480 --> 00:20:36.279 I feel like that even brings more of the pleasure peace out of it. 265 00:20:36.359 --> 00:20:41.119 And you're really it's it's becoming more spiritual in that act and not just 266 00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:45.240 a this is just a soulful reproduction. Yes, so, yeah, well, 267 00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:48.200 and Jarrett, I love that you said that because I absolutely agree. 268 00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:55.839 I was speaking in broad generalizations. And men also struggle with wanting to please 269 00:20:55.880 --> 00:20:59.839 their partners. I see a lot of men in my practice with performance anxiety 270 00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:03.920 and then have, as a result, when it becomes extreme, a rectile 271 00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:10.200 dysfunction or premature ejaculation or some inability to please their partner. And the way 272 00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:15.079 I like to frame sex therapy, or really even sexual empowerment, is that 273 00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:18.880 we, as sexual beings, really need to know and understand what it is 274 00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:25.519 that we desire in that moment and then be able to identify it and articulate 275 00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:30.839 it to our lovers. And that in and of itself is a huge hurdle 276 00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:36.759 to jump over, because I would say that for most people, and I 277 00:21:36.839 --> 00:21:41.440 worked at the University of Colorado at Boulder for a short time, that the 278 00:21:41.519 --> 00:21:45.400 young people that I saw were much more inclined to engage in the sexual activity 279 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:49.359 than to actually speak about it, because to speak about it and claim your 280 00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:56.599 own words is a very intimate and empowering experience and I would say most people, 281 00:21:56.759 --> 00:22:00.480 especially of the college age, just don't have them surety to claim that 282 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:04.960 because really they don't know. That's why they're more inclined to explore than to 283 00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:10.160 really know, UM, although through the exploration they begin to know, but 284 00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:12.720 then to be able to speak what it is that they like is a whole 285 00:22:12.759 --> 00:22:18.640 another level of intimacy, that they can't always be um inebriated, they can't 286 00:22:18.680 --> 00:22:23.480 always be, you know, on some type of recreational drug in order to 287 00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:27.559 have that experience, that they need to claim it more fully in all of 288 00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:33.400 who they are in all realms, and I think that is the opportunity of 289 00:22:33.559 --> 00:22:37.960 maturity, that as we mature, that our relationships change, the relationship with 290 00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:41.720 ourselves for sure, and that what we want in terms of sexual fulfillment becomes 291 00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:47.400 so much more profound and that you mentioned the spiritual connection. Yet that we 292 00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:53.599 seek that and that it is more than the mechanical functioning that sex is oftentimes 293 00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:59.920 in the beginning, because we don't understand and we don't often live or arrayed 294 00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:06.119 and sex positive community or culture where we have an opportunity to ask the questions 295 00:23:06.519 --> 00:23:10.920 about what feels good, what what do I like? How do I know 296 00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:12.799 how to attain what I like? How do I speak to my partner about 297 00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:18.680 what they like and when I hear so many stories from people, men and 298 00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:22.200 women, about their first sex experience. Just one that comes to mind where 299 00:23:22.279 --> 00:23:27.680 father said to his daughter, I want you to feel loved, I want 300 00:23:27.720 --> 00:23:32.799 you to feel respected and I want you to have pleasure, and I think, 301 00:23:32.839 --> 00:23:37.319 wow, what a great information to be transmitting to his daughter. Um, 302 00:23:37.559 --> 00:23:41.480 most people don't get that. Most people like, don't do it, 303 00:23:41.799 --> 00:23:45.759 abstain, wait until you're married or if if they are, they're just given 304 00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:49.039 preventative measures. There as a condom, here's some type of birth control, 305 00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:53.680 will put you on the pill. But no, no conversation about and let 306 00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:59.160 it be pleasurable and experience love. And this is how you might have that 307 00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:02.279 experience. Or these are some of the things you want to look for in 308 00:24:02.279 --> 00:24:06.599 that relationship in order to see if this is something that you want to explore. 309 00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:17.119 We don't have those conversations. Do you have the next big thing, 310 00:24:17.799 --> 00:24:19.960 that world changing? Which McCall it? Do you have a story to tell? 311 00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:25.200 You need a website, you need the web spinners at Webin in with 312 00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:30.039 big picture solutions. Leaving together Seo, stellar web design and Social Media Integrations, 313 00:24:30.359 --> 00:24:34.720 you will find yourself developing your latest and greatest thing idea or telling that 314 00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:40.240 next chapter in your story. Why? Because your audience is ready for it. 315 00:24:40.440 --> 00:24:42.799 Looked them up today at Webinit DOT com. And remember, you're not 316 00:24:42.920 --> 00:24:57.039 everywhere unless you're webined. If you're finding value in this podcast, you should 317 00:24:57.039 --> 00:25:00.400 really check out where it all began. See, I wrote the book moving 318 00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:06.119 up stream without a paddle as a guide to develop the foundation for successful mindset. 319 00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:10.559 Learn what I believe to be four of the most fundamental principles to find 320 00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:15.519 success in any endeavor, and if you apply these principles in your own life, 321 00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:19.000 you will indeed find that you can move upstream with no paddle needed. 322 00:25:19.480 --> 00:25:30.759 Get it on Amazon today. A Lot that is society tells us it's a 323 00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:34.519 fo pot thing. We go into having sex just we have no clue. 324 00:25:34.839 --> 00:25:40.319 There's we have. WE HAVE SEX AD in in school, but it's it 325 00:25:40.440 --> 00:25:42.680 doesn't prepare us for the actual event right. It just says, well, 326 00:25:42.759 --> 00:25:45.599 this is a reproductresses is blah blah, blah, Blah Blah Blah, and 327 00:25:45.599 --> 00:25:51.799 that's very scientific. And so we all go into this this unknowing about anything, 328 00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:56.039 and so it's my mom and my family were very open about that. 329 00:25:56.359 --> 00:26:00.079 So, like me, talking about sex is like whatever, there's there's nothing 330 00:26:00.119 --> 00:26:06.839 to it and it's but that's that's so not that's atypical, that's not the 331 00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:11.079 norm. And so this this again, this idea that if we could bring 332 00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:15.240 this more into the forefront and of saying yes, and and and I hope 333 00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:18.079 you have a pleasure and I hope you do this. And then even with 334 00:26:18.119 --> 00:26:22.319 my kids and like there's yes, you know, I tell him like I 335 00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:26.039 don't want to be I mean I'm a grandfather now, but I don't want 336 00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:29.640 to be one for my younger kids just yet. But you know, think 337 00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:32.960 of it differently, like it's not it's not an evil thing, it's not 338 00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:38.640 something it's just, uh. And I don't know that I I put that 339 00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:42.200 across them very well, but I try because I think it's an important piece 340 00:26:42.519 --> 00:26:47.519 in in bringing that into into the relation. It's gonna make your marriage so 341 00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:49.240 much stronger where they are married, because it's because, again, it's we 342 00:26:49.640 --> 00:26:52.880 just look at sex as something evil and it's really not. It's something. 343 00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:57.279 It's a transference. It's not just transference of fluids, it's transferencive energy, 344 00:26:57.359 --> 00:27:03.000 is inference of everything. And so that that is it's uh, I don't 345 00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:07.599 know. It's just it's a miraculous piece that we um we have and to 346 00:27:07.640 --> 00:27:12.960 be able to express in a very intimate and special way. Yeah, yeah, 347 00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:17.160 I mean, and I love that, that you had intimate conversations with 348 00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:19.640 your children about those experiences that they were going to have, that they have 349 00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:25.039 had, and really, I would say, being a beacon of light in 350 00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:30.759 this darkness where so many people don't get that information. And even when we 351 00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:34.920 have the fluency and are able to make that positive transmission of that to our 352 00:27:36.039 --> 00:27:41.559 children, there is so much that tells people that they are not enough or 353 00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:44.880 that they should be doing it differently. I mean, I think about the 354 00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:48.440 media image, that of women in particular, that are hyper sexual and so 355 00:27:48.519 --> 00:27:53.200 women oftentimes, even if they had a positive experience from their family of origin, 356 00:27:53.599 --> 00:27:59.519 may feel culturally inadequate because they don't meet the representations that they're seeing of 357 00:27:59.640 --> 00:28:03.480 these high for sexual images and then feeling like I don't feel like that. 358 00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:07.599 So where do I live or how do I know how to have pleasure if 359 00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:11.799 that's not my pathway forward? What is, and so again for me as 360 00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:17.359 I work with women, is a reference within about what brings you pleasure and 361 00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:22.480 there's such great power when we again to bring the focus of our energy into 362 00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:29.680 ourselves so we can contain, I would say, sexual sovereignty or erotic sovereignty, 363 00:28:29.960 --> 00:28:33.319 so we know what it is that brings us pleasure. So this way 364 00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:37.440 we can kind of give our lovers an instruction manual, and this is what 365 00:28:37.599 --> 00:28:40.279 I know, this is what brings you pleasure, this is how I achieve 366 00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:44.519 higher levels of arousal. And a lot of times we just don't know that 367 00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:48.960 because we shut down, we achieve a certain level or we have certain experiences 368 00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:53.119 and then we're not reaching for more. And we need to reach for more 369 00:28:53.559 --> 00:28:57.359 and there are pathways forward to do that. Um, yeah, and we 370 00:28:57.400 --> 00:29:00.839 just need to define them, and this is certainly one. Yeah, it 371 00:29:02.039 --> 00:29:06.759 is, and I think. I think again on the male side perspective, 372 00:29:06.759 --> 00:29:08.440 and that I love that we're having this conversation with the women and then I 373 00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:15.839 can ring in this male side as well, because I think women oftentimes don't 374 00:29:15.880 --> 00:29:19.880 want to give that roadmap to their to their spouse, significant other, boyfriend, 375 00:29:19.960 --> 00:29:25.200 whatever, Um, because they've they've tried, maybe they have at one 376 00:29:25.240 --> 00:29:26.960 point in time, and that that male ego tends to get well, I 377 00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:32.039 know what I'm doing right and and I like I really wanted to put out 378 00:29:32.039 --> 00:29:34.000 there to the guy, like, if you want to have just the best 379 00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:40.440 experience ever, listen, don't let that ego get in your way, like 380 00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:44.039 really take be in tune with your partner and listen to what she's saying. 381 00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:45.880 Take that road, because it's going to be beneficial for both of you. 382 00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:51.160 It's not just again, it's it's it's a it's like anything in life, 383 00:29:51.240 --> 00:29:52.799 right. It's an equal of change. It's a give and take, and 384 00:29:53.079 --> 00:29:56.200 so when you're when you're open to hearing what is going on, once, 385 00:29:56.680 --> 00:30:02.160 once you know, the women out there discover these things that you're talking about 386 00:30:02.200 --> 00:30:07.319 and they like I can direct or did the roadmap to to to my to 387 00:30:07.480 --> 00:30:12.359 my significant other, my partner. It'll blow your mind. The whole relationship 388 00:30:12.440 --> 00:30:17.359 become a completely different animals. So I like I want to just bring that 389 00:30:17.400 --> 00:30:19.119 out for the guys, like just be open to that type of thing and 390 00:30:21.240 --> 00:30:23.599 don't let that Eagle get in the way at this point. Be The servant 391 00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:32.960 right, take the direction and the the it will come back and return basically 392 00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:34.799 as well, I guess the way I'm trying to say that, but let's 393 00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:37.799 talk a little because I don't know a lot of people, and I know 394 00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:40.759 I don't, so this this is maybe this is just more for me than 395 00:30:40.759 --> 00:30:42.279 it is for the listeners, but they can benefit as well. So let's 396 00:30:42.319 --> 00:30:47.319 let's talk about the contract part of it, because, I mean, I 397 00:30:47.319 --> 00:30:49.880 I've heard about it in movies and some little whispers here in the corner. 398 00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:55.680 So what exactly is that and what does that look like? I love it. 399 00:30:55.880 --> 00:30:59.079 Okay, yeah, I will certainly go into that and I really want 400 00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:02.400 to just address what you're speaking about, about the give and the take and 401 00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:06.920 how the male ego can sometimes get in the way, and I also want 402 00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:12.000 to encourage men to have that same experience of knowing what pleases them, so 403 00:31:12.039 --> 00:31:15.240 this way they can share and articulate that with their partner too. that it 404 00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:19.440 goes both ways, and that's certainly in heterosexual couples and homosexual couples I feel 405 00:31:19.480 --> 00:31:25.920 like there's a little bit more communication that happens because they're sharing very similar bodies. 406 00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:30.119 But and even in those relationships that we need to be able to communicate 407 00:31:30.119 --> 00:31:34.480 what is true for us, and one of the sexiest things I see in 408 00:31:34.559 --> 00:31:40.359 couples is asking for permission or asking for consent. Is it okay, if 409 00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:45.400 I touch you here, how does this feel? So really using words to 410 00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:49.240 begin to explore what where pleasure lies in the body, and I think that 411 00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:53.440 even if you've been married for a couple of decades or if you're just going 412 00:31:53.480 --> 00:32:00.440 out on a date with somebody for a new relationship, that the exploryation and 413 00:32:00.480 --> 00:32:05.559 the conversation and consent is really a juicy place to start. Side. I 414 00:32:05.599 --> 00:32:07.200 don't want to downplay that. I feel like that's that's a really good thing 415 00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:13.680 and actually leads into Tchandra, because Tandra, I would say, is exploring 416 00:32:13.720 --> 00:32:17.599 these higher levels of arousal and so much of it needs to be based on 417 00:32:17.799 --> 00:32:23.759 clear communication and consent. In one of the patterns that I noticed in couples 418 00:32:24.039 --> 00:32:28.559 who have been married for a long time they kind of get entrenched in this 419 00:32:29.960 --> 00:32:31.839 I'm never going to get what I want, so I'm just going to complain 420 00:32:31.839 --> 00:32:37.400 about it and not make a request. And when we make a request of 421 00:32:37.440 --> 00:32:43.680 somebody, we actually make an ask or create an invitation, then we're at 422 00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:46.720 risk that we could get turned down and then we have to deal with rejection 423 00:32:47.400 --> 00:32:51.880 and that's a huge risk, especially you've been in a marriage or in a 424 00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:54.920 continuous relationship for a long time that you're rocking the boat and you're taking a 425 00:32:55.039 --> 00:33:00.119 risk like that's scary. And yet, in order to be honest and in 426 00:33:00.200 --> 00:33:06.200 our integrity, we need to begin to share what are on the edges that 427 00:33:06.279 --> 00:33:08.319 we want to bring forth so we can have more expansion. I mean, 428 00:33:08.319 --> 00:33:14.559 and I would say that's probably the biggest um or best definition of Tantra is. 429 00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:19.880 That's what we're doing, is that we're claiming the edges of pleasure that 430 00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:23.359 we want to bring more into the center, and some of the best ways 431 00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:30.079 to do that for ourselves and with a partner is through breath, sound and 432 00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:35.839 movement, and that's kind of the truncated version about how you're using the energy 433 00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:39.680 within your own body, within your own instrument, to bring it forth and 434 00:33:39.799 --> 00:33:43.599 connect with a partner. If you're with a partner, you can do this 435 00:33:43.640 --> 00:33:47.799 by yourself as well, but really bringing the energy up through your Chakras, 436 00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:51.519 which I don't know if it's a familiar term with your audience or not, 437 00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:53.519 but yes, okay, good, but you want to bring it through those 438 00:33:53.640 --> 00:34:00.319 energy centers, um the breath, the energy and also a couple that with 439 00:34:00.440 --> 00:34:05.640 the energy of sex, because sexual energy is so potent and so powerful. 440 00:34:05.799 --> 00:34:08.960 So you really want to bring that up the body and allow it to Fountain 441 00:34:09.000 --> 00:34:14.559 Out and Fountain over, and that is so much the basis of many different 442 00:34:14.599 --> 00:34:19.639 meditation practices Um. But that's what my experience of chantre is too. And 443 00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:23.440 how you do and how you get there Um varies from your partner, from 444 00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:27.639 the situation, from from who you're with, from what it is that you're 445 00:34:27.639 --> 00:34:30.599 wanting to achieve. What is the intention? So I invite people to play 446 00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:34.360 with some of these things. So if you have a partner, or even 447 00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:37.440 if you don't and you're curious about that, that you can begin with. 448 00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:43.320 I mean a simple self pleasure where you're touching your skin and beginning to come 449 00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:49.639 into the sense of who you are and bringing your energy into yourself and beginning 450 00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:53.960 with the breath, following the breath up through your lower shoppers, through the 451 00:34:53.960 --> 00:34:59.400 top of your body, and then imagining, while you're touching yourself, higher 452 00:34:59.519 --> 00:35:04.519 levels of arousal and maybe you're touching more of your orogenous zones, and that 453 00:35:04.599 --> 00:35:07.719 you're bringing the energy and you're really cultivating it, because when you cultivate it 454 00:35:07.719 --> 00:35:14.760 it's similar to bring you into a crucible. So there is the containment of 455 00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:17.679 that energy, and so then you're actually able to bring it up more clearly 456 00:35:19.159 --> 00:35:22.639 and then you can imagine it and you can really also begin to feel it, 457 00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:27.719 and it is that felt sense that is experience of Orgasm, that is 458 00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:31.440 experience of ecstasy and it is one that we need to cultivate and that, 459 00:35:31.559 --> 00:35:37.039 through breath, we can do that and share that with a partner, um 460 00:35:37.159 --> 00:35:40.800 we can do that with ourselves, and so that's kind of a basic understanding, 461 00:35:42.039 --> 00:35:47.039 but also that basic understanding applies to the more advanced practices as well. 462 00:35:47.599 --> 00:35:52.039 Yeah, yeah, I don't know how people are thinking of this, but 463 00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:57.480 I'm gonna bring it out there because obviously the podcast is about mindsets, right, 464 00:35:57.519 --> 00:36:00.400 it's all about mindsets, but I think that this is and I'm we're 465 00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:04.840 getting a lot of great comments on here, but this is an important piece, 466 00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:08.880 because we have this weird mindset when it comes to two sex and we 467 00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:15.840 have this weird mindset when it comes to and I feel like that when we 468 00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:21.000 can be getting to shift our way of thinking when it comes to to to 469 00:36:21.119 --> 00:36:25.000 this topic and we can open up these new ideas and we can open up 470 00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:30.239 this this this concept of of discovering yourself we're discovering your partner in a whole 471 00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:36.320 different way, a whole different level that. Um, I mean I think 472 00:36:36.360 --> 00:36:39.760 a lot of most Wolm know that the biggest common reasons for divorce and sex 473 00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:43.639 and money or whatever right we have all that things and and sex is a 474 00:36:43.679 --> 00:36:47.079 part of that. But if we can get that, that piece in to 475 00:36:49.199 --> 00:36:53.280 into the relationships and really again open the awareness and change our mindset and that 476 00:36:53.400 --> 00:37:00.760 and discover our partner and discover ourselves and discovery each other, how much that's 477 00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:05.079 going to strengthen the relationship that we have. And it doesn't have to be 478 00:37:05.480 --> 00:37:10.079 a topic for a divorce or a topic of of infidelity and because you know 479 00:37:10.119 --> 00:37:14.800 they're trying to find that from someone else now when we're sharing that with our 480 00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:17.840 partners. So to me, this is this is all about mindset and this 481 00:37:17.960 --> 00:37:23.199 is just the mindset on a very specific topic. and Um, so my 482 00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:29.800 question then for you, because you are sex therapists, like how much of 483 00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:35.559 the mindset you have to go through with your your clients and like, I 484 00:37:35.599 --> 00:37:38.000 feel like nind mindset of everything. So if they're coming in there with the 485 00:37:38.119 --> 00:37:44.199 improper mindset is is there a lot of mindset work that happens to really adjust 486 00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:51.920 and be able to get them into this the intimate aspects of sexuality. Yes, 487 00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:57.960 and I see that a lot of us lived cerebral E so we're connected 488 00:37:58.000 --> 00:38:01.599 to this part of our body in this western culture so much more than the 489 00:38:01.639 --> 00:38:07.559 rest of our body, and that when we give ourselves permission to experience more 490 00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:13.679 of our body and feel the feet on the ground and feel our connection to 491 00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:21.519 the earth, then we're shifting how we're experiencing our lives. And so in 492 00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:24.480 terms of proportion, I don't know, because I think it's different for each 493 00:38:24.480 --> 00:38:29.320 individual, but I also think it's different form for each person in where they're 494 00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:34.159 at on the journey. So in my clinical practice I saw a lot of 495 00:38:34.280 --> 00:38:38.679 engineers and what I loved about energy engineers is that they had cultivated their minds 496 00:38:38.679 --> 00:38:43.280 in such a way that they were very observant and they were very curious, 497 00:38:43.360 --> 00:38:49.719 and also they often lived from here. So the experiences of feeling kind of 498 00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:52.320 devoid in their language, it was more I think, I think. And 499 00:38:52.360 --> 00:38:54.880 so we get to cart, you know, I think. Therefore, I 500 00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:59.840 am which, okay, we lived there, we have lived there, and 501 00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:02.800 and then there's so many ways of knowing and then how do we come into 502 00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:08.679 the body so to really disrupt that? And now how do you feel and 503 00:39:08.760 --> 00:39:14.280 can you feel the sensations in your body and can you reference them and can 504 00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:19.079 you begin to really experience them and can you begin to trust them? And 505 00:39:19.119 --> 00:39:23.000 I'd say for a lot of people that's a really foreign experience and it's scary. 506 00:39:23.280 --> 00:39:27.639 And then you add sex onto that, where it can be out of 507 00:39:27.639 --> 00:39:30.719 control and you can have heightened levels of arousal, and then it becomes like 508 00:39:31.199 --> 00:39:36.480 wow, and what I would often see in my practice is that couples would 509 00:39:36.519 --> 00:39:40.000 come in and they would love each other and they would live together like roommates 510 00:39:40.039 --> 00:39:44.719 and like we're so harmonious and we have all these facets of our life that 511 00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:47.159 effortlessly flow, and then when it comes to sex, we're like, we're 512 00:39:47.199 --> 00:39:52.000 just gonna cut that limb off and throw it out because I don't want to 513 00:39:52.039 --> 00:39:53.599 rock the boat. And they would both have some version of that. I 514 00:39:53.639 --> 00:39:57.480 don't want to rock the boat. I don't really want to claim what it 515 00:39:57.559 --> 00:40:00.840 is that I truly desire and speak my a desire, because that would be 516 00:40:00.880 --> 00:40:07.320 scary. And what happens if I said that I wanted or I have a 517 00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:15.000 fantasy about being with another person or that I'm attracted to another person or but 518 00:40:15.159 --> 00:40:20.159 once we speak that, it comes into the realm of reality. Our ears 519 00:40:20.199 --> 00:40:23.320 have heard, our body has felt that, and then all of those things 520 00:40:23.320 --> 00:40:28.079 don't necessarily need to come to fruition, although they can, but then it 521 00:40:28.119 --> 00:40:31.519 can begin to be negotiated and it brings it to this level of reality. 522 00:40:31.800 --> 00:40:37.480 It brings it to this level of body that is very different from mine, 523 00:40:37.840 --> 00:40:45.440 because body integrates things so much more quickly and so much vastly the mind. 524 00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:47.960 When we learn how to walk, we don't get an instruction. Manually, 525 00:40:49.119 --> 00:40:52.519 okay, read this, figure out it's we template it and our body and 526 00:40:52.559 --> 00:40:59.280 there's so many things that we can template when we're given permission and we're given 527 00:40:59.320 --> 00:41:06.280 guidance, know how to do them. Yeah, that's that's amazing and I 528 00:41:06.360 --> 00:41:08.360 like how you were saying that we live here all right, because we do. 529 00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:14.559 We agree and it really in my just personal development journey, I really 530 00:41:14.559 --> 00:41:20.400 began to understand more about the entire body and the Chospras that we have and 531 00:41:20.440 --> 00:41:22.400 the different think centers that we have. Because you will kind of go a 532 00:41:22.400 --> 00:41:25.119 little bit first full circle, and you said you know there's the hard place 533 00:41:25.159 --> 00:41:29.360 there, the heart is a think centers. This isn't the only one, 534 00:41:29.519 --> 00:41:31.400 right, it's here, your gut is that when we need to have a 535 00:41:31.480 --> 00:41:35.840 gut feeling. There's a reason why we say that, because it's a thing 536 00:41:35.960 --> 00:41:40.119 center and there's so much more to our the physical body, that we again, 537 00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:46.599 we just don't understand. and Um, and sex is a huge part 538 00:41:46.639 --> 00:41:50.960 of that. And so I really love that we're having, I think, 539 00:41:51.480 --> 00:41:53.840 I think the listeners will write about that we're having covers, because what it 540 00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:59.639 does, and I think this is important, is that we're giving them, 541 00:41:59.719 --> 00:42:04.679 uh, just through this conversation, permission, and I think people need that 542 00:42:04.760 --> 00:42:09.400 sometimes, like well, I have permission to talk about this awesome and so, 543 00:42:09.679 --> 00:42:13.639 Um, I think that's why this is, this is such an important 544 00:42:13.719 --> 00:42:17.239 topic right now. We're giving them permission to to to to have these conversations, 545 00:42:17.239 --> 00:42:22.320 as you said, to do the vocal piece of that, because that's 546 00:42:22.000 --> 00:42:25.480 the vocal pieces very powerful, I mean, and not just with this topic. 547 00:42:25.519 --> 00:42:30.559 When we're communication is a big thing. Then you suppress the communication. 548 00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:35.559 What happens you when you suppress anything? You get depression, you get anxiety, 549 00:42:35.639 --> 00:42:39.199 you get this. But when we can vocalize all these pieces Um in 550 00:42:39.239 --> 00:42:44.599 all aspects of our life, there's a release and that, and that's just 551 00:42:44.639 --> 00:42:47.119 as important with what we're talking about today, is the sex aspect. Is 552 00:42:47.280 --> 00:42:52.039 vocalize it, let's let's. That's why sound is so important in intercourse. 553 00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:58.840 Sound is important there as well. Explain that a little bit, since you 554 00:42:58.880 --> 00:43:01.719 brought it up. Just go down that I will, and I want to 555 00:43:01.719 --> 00:43:06.199 say that it's interesting. The mind is a thing center, the heart is 556 00:43:06.199 --> 00:43:08.320 a think center and the gut is a think center, and I feel like, 557 00:43:08.400 --> 00:43:19.519 Oh yes, and their feeling centers. So we love them. And 558 00:43:19.559 --> 00:43:22.880 so language is important and how we use language it's important. And when we're 559 00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:30.679 able to UM experience levels of arousal and use our voice to express them, 560 00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:36.360 that we can experience them so much more, because then we're becoming more expansive 561 00:43:36.400 --> 00:43:39.800 because we're using a center of expression, and then we're able to amplify that 562 00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:45.719 experience of pleasure. And so it begins, and I would say, in 563 00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:51.639 the foreplay of vocalizing. This is what I truly desire from this intimate experience 564 00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:55.360 before we have this love making session. Let's talk about a friend gave me 565 00:43:55.440 --> 00:44:00.159 this a couple of weeks ago, B D s m. So boundary is, 566 00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:04.599 what are the boundaries that would help you feel safe? What is it 567 00:44:04.679 --> 00:44:08.119 that you desire, and then how can I help you achieve that? And 568 00:44:08.159 --> 00:44:12.800 then what is your sexual history? Because even if we have the same partner, 569 00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:15.719 we've had the same partner for whatever we might just want to check in 570 00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:20.280 with them and see what's going on with them sexually, and that's okay to 571 00:44:20.320 --> 00:44:23.679 ask. Maybe they're feelings some irritation in their genital area. We don't know, 572 00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:30.480 but if we don't ask, then we're we're basing our UM experience on 573 00:44:30.519 --> 00:44:34.880 assumptions. And then the M is a mental the mental quality of what are 574 00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:37.119 you experiencing right now? Well, I feel really tender in my heart and 575 00:44:37.159 --> 00:44:40.679 I would like this to be a very gentle experience because I'm scared and I 576 00:44:40.719 --> 00:44:45.320 don't have the words and I'm I'm feeling like I'm not gonna get it right 577 00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:47.000 and I feel awkward and I feel like it's gonna be messy and that's not 578 00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:51.239 gonna be really sexy. So I feel self conscious and like if I had 579 00:44:51.280 --> 00:44:58.719 that experience yes just yesterday, right, and to all that it's like, 580 00:44:58.760 --> 00:45:02.119 oh, we live there and that that's okay and that's okay. We don't 581 00:45:02.119 --> 00:45:07.239 always have to show up as super sexy and supercharge. Well, sometimes we 582 00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:12.440 can because we really feel it, and sometimes we don't, and so we're 583 00:45:12.440 --> 00:45:15.639 just showing up as we are and we can speak about it and claim it, 584 00:45:15.400 --> 00:45:19.480 and I'd say that's part of the foreplay. So if you use this 585 00:45:19.960 --> 00:45:22.760 B D S M as a gateway, then you can begin to have the 586 00:45:22.880 --> 00:45:30.000 experience in the love making session of sounding. I mean sound is so powerful. 587 00:45:30.320 --> 00:45:34.079 I mean, for one thing, if I don't know if I could 588 00:45:34.079 --> 00:45:37.760 say these words, but if you're giving a man a blowjob, when you're 589 00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:45.039 sounding with your throat, the vibrations actually give him more stimulation and he knows 590 00:45:45.079 --> 00:45:47.719 that you're enjoying it, and so then there's a creation this feedback loop. 591 00:45:47.960 --> 00:45:53.639 And so sound is vital in so many areas of our love making and that 592 00:45:54.039 --> 00:46:00.239 oftentimes we shut down we don't want the kids to hear or we've been hot 593 00:46:00.280 --> 00:46:02.800 because we were teenagers when we're kind of being sneaky. We were sneaking about 594 00:46:02.840 --> 00:46:07.480 it Um that we couldn't be loud, that we had to be quiet, 595 00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:14.360 and loud is expressive. I mean, I remember my former husband would tell 596 00:46:14.440 --> 00:46:16.920 me that I laughed too loud and I thought, oh, that should have 597 00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:21.599 been an indicator right there. As I laugh loud, I live loud. 598 00:46:21.639 --> 00:46:24.360 It's like I I like to be expressive. I feel like it's important and 599 00:46:24.440 --> 00:46:30.320 to suppress, like you were saying, Garrett, isn't really helpful. Yeah, 600 00:46:30.360 --> 00:46:32.559 that's very true. That's and we're we're getting close to time. I 601 00:46:32.559 --> 00:46:37.239 think that's a really good point to maybe just wrap it up on, because 602 00:46:37.039 --> 00:46:42.559 again, it's another piece that we don't think about. It's the society aspect 603 00:46:42.559 --> 00:46:45.039 of like you were saying. Well, we have to be quiet, you 604 00:46:45.079 --> 00:46:46.119 have to be sneaky, you have to do this. We don't do that, 605 00:46:46.199 --> 00:46:50.360 don't do that, and I think that if we, if we really 606 00:46:50.440 --> 00:46:53.920 think about it, if we if we go deep into ourselves as a piece, 607 00:46:53.960 --> 00:46:59.559 that that that's that's the natural way to be and not the way that 608 00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:02.360 we're to be. So if we go back to who we naturally are, 609 00:47:02.519 --> 00:47:07.199 the express of people that we really are, um, then the sound aspect 610 00:47:07.199 --> 00:47:12.840 makes completely total sense and and how it could really definitely hide the experience. 611 00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:16.400 But I just, Tarad, I don't even know how to say. I 612 00:47:16.480 --> 00:47:21.199 just appreciate you so much. We're coming on. I know that there's a 613 00:47:21.199 --> 00:47:24.280 lot of Aha moments that people are going to have when they listen to this, 614 00:47:24.519 --> 00:47:29.840 but and when they have those Aham moments, they're gonna want to explore 615 00:47:29.880 --> 00:47:31.760 it a little bit more. So I want you to be able to to 616 00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:36.840 let them know. How can I get in contact with you if they want 617 00:47:36.880 --> 00:47:43.639 to to truly explore this, this topic more in depth? Yes, well, 618 00:47:43.679 --> 00:47:47.840 I'd say this book, rediscovering a body, is really the name of 619 00:47:47.880 --> 00:47:52.119 all my work. So this is my body of work in addition to my 620 00:47:52.159 --> 00:47:54.280 book, and you can find it on Amazon, but it's also my website, 621 00:47:54.320 --> 00:47:58.239 so rediscovering my body, and I would love for people to connect with 622 00:47:58.280 --> 00:48:01.880 me there. I'm also on face book and Instagram rediscovering my body, and 623 00:48:01.920 --> 00:48:06.920 I love to hear comments and questions. I'm very open to conversation. I 624 00:48:07.039 --> 00:48:10.039 love to know what people are working with, what their challenges are and what 625 00:48:10.119 --> 00:48:14.840 their joys are and really what brings them pleasure. And I am posting a 626 00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:19.800 couple's retreat in September that I'm very excited about because I'll be working with a 627 00:48:19.880 --> 00:48:23.960 colleague who is a man who I feel like brings in the divine, masculine 628 00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:31.199 and has great integrity, great boundaries and great skill at communicating with couples. 629 00:48:31.239 --> 00:48:36.000 So we're yeah, we're really excited about doing this in person in September, 630 00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:44.039 the ninth, through his retreat center land in southern southeastern California. So so 631 00:48:44.119 --> 00:48:47.119 yeah, contact me and I'd love to have a conversation with you. Perfect, 632 00:48:47.199 --> 00:48:52.000 perfect, Um. Well again, Tara, thank you so much. 633 00:48:52.079 --> 00:48:58.079 It's been a blessing and just an amazing conversation. Um to only I actually 634 00:48:58.119 --> 00:49:02.360 kind of keep going because I still have more questions, but that just leads 635 00:49:02.400 --> 00:49:06.639 for part two, right, so we can some time down the road. 636 00:49:06.920 --> 00:49:09.559 But I just I wanna again just express my gratitude towards you for taking the 637 00:49:09.639 --> 00:49:15.039 time to come on and just, uh, share your wisdom on the topic 638 00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:19.639 in Um. With that, I'M gonna be signed off. Everybody. So 639 00:49:19.679 --> 00:49:22.320 if you have questions, just keep commentating on because this was live on facebook, 640 00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:25.480 so you can keep coming on facebook and we can get these questions a 641 00:49:25.599 --> 00:49:30.320 terra answer, or you can go visit her at her website and on facebook 642 00:49:30.360 --> 00:49:32.760 as well as as she has mentioned. I'll put I'll put your your book 643 00:49:32.800 --> 00:49:37.599 title and all that in the podcast notes. So and descriptions so they know 644 00:49:37.639 --> 00:49:40.360 where to go. But with that, everybody with a factist conversation. You, 645 00:49:40.360 --> 00:49:45.679 guys, thank you so much for always showing up to these podcasts and 646 00:49:45.719 --> 00:49:51.039 these these these topics that we have and really Um bringing more awareness to your 647 00:49:51.079 --> 00:49:53.639 life. And with that, we will be having another one very soon. 648 00:49:57.679 --> 00:50:00.119 Thanks for tuning in. If you found that you in this episode, the 649 00:50:00.159 --> 00:50:05.239 best thing you can do is to subscribe, rate or review this podcast. 650 00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:08.320 If you would like to further investigate how you can flip your mindset, feel 651 00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:14.840 free to contact me through my website at www dot garrett goggins dot com. 652 00:50:15.039 --> 00:50:20.440 Can't wait to catch you on the next episode. m